A Birthday Letter To You, My Son!

GUESS WHO IS A TEENAGER!?!?

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY SWEET SAMI!

Wow.  When I first laid eyes on you, you were ten {with a birthday around the corner}.

When you came home you were eleven {with a birthday not too far off}.

The next year we got to enjoy your first-ever celebrated birthday on this day, as you turned twelve.

Why then, am I amazed that you are now turning THIRTEEN?!?!?!?!?

I am so excited to celebrate YOU!  You, Sami, our precious and amazing SON!  You never cease to amaze me with your dancing eyes, your joyful soul, your contagious smile, your kind and loving heart, great sense of humor, and the countless countless times you have {successfully} tried to scare me!  :)

You have brought such love, joy and laughter into our home!  Before you boys came home, I would sit here at home.  In the deafening silence.  And dream of the day that God would fill our home with the "noise" of love and joy of children.  OUR children.  I would dream of hearing the giggles of laughter and the pounding of feet across our hardwood floors, as much fun was being had by them; and I envisioned me smiling huge as I would look up to God with a heart full of praise.

I was dreaming of the day when our home ~ and our lives ~ would be blessed by YOU and KALEAB!

And now, daily, I get to experience it all!  I get to experience the joy of YOU!  With my dreams far surpassed by BOTH you and your "wundhim," Kaleab {but this post is about you, birthday boy}!

My heart is filled to overflowing and YOU are a BIG reason for that!  I felt the holy spirit goosebumps when I first met and talked with you in Ethiopia, feeling as though God was telling me that YOU were our son!!!  And now, each day I am moved by how you continue to bless my heart in some small or big way, just by being YOU!

It is my hope to love you to the best of my ability, and beyond.........praying that God will help me love you beyond what love my humanness can provide.  I pray that God will fill any void in our parenting that maybe only He can see.

It is my prayer that you will never EVER wonder where you belong.  Or wonder who you can trust.  Or wonder who loves you unconditionally.  Yes, as you know, God loves you in this way!  {I am so GRATEFUL you already know HIS agape love!}  It is my hope and prayer that you forever know that such unconditional love also flows to you from your father, brother and me!

It is my hope that you will witness in the flesh {via your father and me} a Christ-like love.  Every day.  Not matter what you may be experiencing - in or outside of our family - I pray that you will always know a trust and love in the safety of this family.  Your family.

It is my desire to bless you abundantly, my sweet Sami.......while leaving room for God to build the character He created You to have.

It is my goal to protect you as best I can........while allowing God to use life's happenings to further build your divinely determined character.  And draw you deeper into Him.  May my mama's heart and desire to protect and provide never cheat you of such invaluable lessons.

It is my dream for you to never know pain, my son.  Physical or emotional.  Yet, this is not reality.  Avoiding such hurts threatens to lessen your connection with our Heavenly Father, as it is in such times that you will draw nearer to Him.

Therefore, instead, it is my dream that you will forever know that God, dad and I are here for you in whatever pain life may toss your way.  May God continue to grant us the privilege to love you through such times.     May you always trust and know that we are here for you.  Always.  And forever.

YOU have already given me so much, my son.  More than words can express.  More than you may ever know.  It is my desire to bless you.  Every day of your life.

I am proud of the young man you are.  And the man I see you becoming.  God is deep within you.  And I pray we teach you well how to continue deepening that relationship with Him.  And I pray that God continues to deepen your relationship with us, your mom and dad.

A Mother's Love is immeasurable.  I'm not sure how to even describe my love for you, Sami.  But God knows.  He knows how to tell your heart.  On my knees, I ask Him to do just that.  To tell your heart of the love dad and I both have for you.  Just because you are YOU!  Just because you are our SON!

May this upcoming year be even more blessed than the previous.  If that is possible.

Making his birthday wish!

All My Love...............To The Moon and Back!!!

Mom

You're Late Again, Lord!

Okay, so I do PROMISE to return to my recap of our time in Ethiopia and Germany ~ sorry for the unexpected interruption of our extended stay in our "waiting room."  However, before returning to the recap, I want to share with you how I am finding peace through your prayers...........

If you have been following my blog very long, you can recall the lessons God has had for me regarding continuing to BELIEVE in His promises for me and my family; as well as having EXPECTANCY, rather than expectation.  Well, He is using this time to put to use these tools He previously added to my armor.

Initially, upon hearing that we had to wait another ~4 months to bring our precious babe home, my mind began to spin in negativity.  I began to focus on all that time we were going to be missing out on.  I worried that K's pure joy and peace might get tainted, spending more time in orphanage life.  I struggled to understand the WHY behind all of this.  I felt forgotten and abandoned by God.  I listened for God, but didn't hear anything, thus, further convincing me that He had forgotten our family.

I know in my head that those are all LIES.  I just needed time to reconnect the TRUTH from my head to my heart.  I have recently relinquished the need to understand WHY Baby K has to live in ET longer, when his mommy and daddy ACHE to bring him HOME.  And, I believe, that was the beginning of my progress forward.  "Letting go and letting God."

As Karon Goodman puts it, in her book, "You're Late Again, Lord!"...."the only way out of the pain is straight through it, with the Lord right by your side."  Literally, as soon as I stopped fighting the extended wait, and began accepting it as reality, God began to show me how I can wait purposefully.  By drawing myself closer and deeper into Him.  Ah, yes, another lesson He had planted seeds in my heart about, a few months back.  It is all coming together.....

He is showing me, through this book, that "our relationship with Him suffers when it is based on me giving to God only those things that I thought I could trust Him with and keeping the rest for myself."  You see, I quickly snatched up my son and his homecoming when I heard that it would be a longer wait.  I lost trust in God and tired to "figure things out" on my own.  Doing this only brought upon me a grave sense of hopelessness.  There was absolutely positively nothing Jeff or I could do to prevent this delay.  The Lord needed me to replace Baby K back into the palm of His loving hands.  Which I was once again able to do.  With God's help.

God is showing me that, although He is not offering me a way around this hurt, He desires to show me a way through it.  Bringing us to a better place ~ a higher ground ~ on the other side of it all.  He wants to join Jeff and me in our "waiting room," and He is providing us with instruction that comes with a promise:  “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  (Philippians 1:6 NIV)

Once I allowed Him to remove the ugly lies filling my heart, and again welcomed His presence and lessons into our waiting room, He immediately wanted to address the vast array of emotions my heart was harboring: elation in meeting Baby K; gratefulness for the gift of our amazing son; a yearning to hold him in our arms again.......mixed in with feelings of frustration, anger, hurt, and helplessness toward the delay.  Toward God Himself, as He revealed to me.

He used friends, and many of your sweet personal emails/phone calls to help me realize that it was okay to be angry at God.  He is a big enough God to handle it.  Heck, He already knows my feelings, He just wanted me to admit them and bring them to Him, rather than carry them within.  He wanted to help heal me of them!  Can you believe it?!?  I carry a grudge toward Him, and He wants to help heal me!  Steadfast love, indeed!


I was reminded of the Psalms in all of this.  How David often started in negative feelings but by end of his writing, he was praising our Lord.  God. does. that!  He does that with our negative feelings toward Him!  That is why He wants us to bring such feelings to Him!  So that He can help us work through them!!!  So that He can bring us to a place of trusting Him again!  Astounding!

It's okay to feel hurt toward, or angry with, God.  It's what we do with these feelings that matter.  I needed to give my feelings toward God.....to God!  I don’t have to understand Why.  I just NEED. TO. FORGIVE. GOD!!!  Which is exactly what happened when I relinquished my feelings to Him.  He showed me that I  needed to "forgive" Him for letting me down.  For letting my heart hurt so deeply.  Instead of making me feel guilty for these feelings, He helped me release them to Him in the form of forgiveness.  Does that make sense?  Even though He never did abandon or forsake me, He wanted me to go through a form of "forgiving" Him......when, really, I am the one who should be asking for forgiveness for carrying such doubt and fear toward HIM!  A-m-a-z-i-n-g!!!

God knew.  He knew that I needed to give Him my negative feelings so that He could remove them at the roots.  In so doing, He is nurturing me back into my BELIEF and EXPECTANCY!!!

He is showing me that I do not have to carry guilt for my forms of doubt, fear and unbelief.  “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”  (Hebrews 4:16  NIV) p72

He is showing me that, instead, I can still approach Him confidently.  I can BELIEVE that God is FOR us not against us.  That He did NOT abandon or forget me and my family.  I can BELIEVE that He is right here with us.  Loving us.  Caring for us.  Protecting all three of us.
     “Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.”  (1 John 5:14 NKJV).

While waiting, we can believe and expect Him to follow through on everything.  He is the constant we can always count on.  As Karon states in her book, He wants me to look ahead instead of back.  He is waiting for me to expect what He has already guaranteed.  He wants us to BELIEVE.

“So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea’ and it would obey you.“ (Luke 17:6 NKJV).

The Lord wants us to expect this waiting time to reveal to us a purpose far greater than anything we ever imagined.  He wants us to draw closer to Him in this.  Which we are.  I was tempted to run from Him, initially, but when I asked for His help, He gently placed His hand on my shoulder and quietly turned me around, toward Him.  And now, I am running straight into His loving arms to sustain me!

I am trusting that His ways are higher than our ways.  I am trusting that He is still in control of this adoption, and that He WILL be bringing our son HOME to us.  I am feeling Him stir an excitement of expectancy in me again.   THANK YOU, GOD!!!

In Karon's wise words, "Your expectations will sustain and lead you in the right direction.  Do not be afraid to expect too much from your Lord.  He will use whatever you give Him.......Give Him everything and it will come back blessed."

“He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully."  (2 Corinthians 9:6  NKJV)

Once again, I give to you, Lord, our son.  This adoption.  Our family.  I trust you to bring us all together.  I trust you to bring good out of all of this waiting.  I trust you to complete what you have started.  I trust you to protect Baby K and shower Him with love.  I trust you to knock our socks off with continued blessings.  I thank you, Lord, for helping to bring me back into this sweet place of belief, expectancy and trust in You.           AMEN.

JESUS LOVES THE LITTLE CHILDREN

I am seeing today what I have always known to be true.  JESUS LOVES HIS LITTLE CHILDREN!!! Our dear sweet friends from our travel group, The Kishpaughs' received a HUGE surprise phone call this morning telling them that their sweet son are now THEIRS!!!  This was total unexpected news, as they had heard on Friday that there was no MOWCYA letter written for their family.  PRAISE GOD!!!  I love their two sons, and it melts my heart to know that God moved big on their behalf!

The Mason family received their own surprise phone call on Monday, after learning that their family had also received a rejection letter for their adoption of their son!  However.......yesterday, God MOVED on their behalf and they heard the words, "HE IS YOURS!"

Our precious friends, The Boosalis and Klein families are s-t-i-l-l awaiting final news of their MOWCYA approval, and hope to hear the GOOD news TOMORROW that each of their daughters are THEIRS as well!!  

Confused?  Well, God moved the courts to stay open this week to further consider MOWCYA opinions on cases in which letters had already been written by last Friday.  It does appear that some cases that were rejected have, and may continue to be, reversed this week!  PRAISE GOD!!!!  More kiddos are COMING HOME SOON!!!!

The Somers' are still waiting with baited breath that maybe MOWCYA will see the updated HS that was already in the dossier but somehow missed, and The Russell family is still waiting to hear the reason behind their rejection letter.  So there is still a chance for these two families as well!

This is AMAZING movement for all of these children!  Go, God!

Of course, I cannot help but get on my knees in continued prayer for a miracle for our son as well.  I hesitate to allow hope to well up in my heart, because I know that every adoption case is different, and our agency told us that it would not be possible to obtain the information MOWCYA needs from our orphanage in time.  It should be easy to get the information, but just not easy to get it before closures.

However.......OUR GOD IS A BIG-HUGE GOD!  I do not want to be limited by what AWAA says. They are so good at being honest and preparing us for what may come, but I just feel the need to listen to their advice, but CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR A MIRACLE simultaneiously!

I hesitated to post anything that might lead you to think we have a chance.  According to AWAA we do not.  I hear that.  I respect that.  I appreciate the honesty.

Yet.......I feel compelled to PRAY for God to part the Red Sea for us!!!  Until that judge officially ceases to enter that court office, I cannot sit idly by without BELIEVING for our miracle!  

Is my heart guarded?  Sure.  Am I a bit afraid of God's final plan for this chapter of our adoption?  Yes, a bit.  (but I KNOW His plan for us is for GOOD and not harm; for HOPE and a future!)  Do I trust our agency to do all that they can on our behalf?  You bet!  

Do I believe my God wants to bless our family abundantly?  A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y!!!!

Now, how such abundant blessings will be bestowed upon us is up to God.  More than anything, we want to be in His Divine will for us, for Baby K and for our family.  Yes, even if that means we have to wait longer to bring home our precious son (remind me of this in a few days).

It's just that.......until there is no way, I choose to believe that GOD CAN MAKE A WAY!!!!

My precious friend, Tracy Autry shared a great verse with me on Friday.  I have clung to it and will continue to ~ regardless of the result of these extended open court days......

"...For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it."   Habukuk 1:5,  NLT 

Whether there is still a chance for "our own day" to be this week......or a day in months to come......the TRUTH is.....God IS working to bring us together as a family.  I continue to trust in that.  Regardless of what I can see.  

In Christ lies my true hope.  And strength.

Dear Lord, we once again come to you, asking you to MOVE mountains for our little baby K.  Whether this weeks GREAT NEWS includes news of our son's homecoming or not, I THANK YOU for all you are doing on behalf of so many of these children!  You are moving this MOWCYA mountain for so many families, and it is priceless to witness.  My heart aches to be a part of these miracles, Lord.  How I yearn to hear "HE IS YOURS!"  However, I cannot deny all the GOOD you are doing, loving these sweet precious children HOME.  However things go the rest of this week, we know that we know that you love our son.  And your ways are higher than our ways.           AMEN.

URGENT and FERVENT Prayer Needed!

Wow.  I feel like a zombie walking through a nightmare.  Totally unexpected.


The clock is ticking.  Courts close in 36 hours (Ethiopia timeline).

AWAA called me at work today to tell me got our MOWCYA letter.  However, it was a REJECTION letter!!!!  Floored.  Flabbergasted.  Devastated.  Never even thought about this as a possibility!


We have been praying and praying, asking God to give favor over our adoption; asking Him to get ALL of our waiting-after-court families a letter from MOWCYA before Friday.  Never dreamed our letter would be a rejection letter!


What does this mean?!?!?!?......................


Well, a recent email from our FC at AWAA told me that almost 50% of families receive a rejection letter the first time.  I must admit, this at least eased my mind that this is not some rare and high-risk potential of losing our son!  I've known plenty of families whom MOWCYA needed more information before writing an approval letter, but I was unaware that this request for more information was accompanied with a rejection letter.  PRAYING this is just a "routine" rejection.


Not sure what to think.  In panic and desperation, I posted on FB a request for URGENT and FERVENT prayer.  And I post the same request here.


AWAA will not find out WHAT MOWCYA needs to provide an approval letter until sometime tomorrow.  Please join us in PRAYING that whatever it is that they need, it is something that can be provided with ease and efficiency ~ so that MOWCYA can provide an approval letter BEFORE the end of the work day Friday (keep in mind Friday comes 9 hours earlier in ET than here).


We are SO GRATEFUL for our agency, AWAA!!!  They have kept us up-to-date, even though the news was not good today.  This allows us to pray specifically, and ask all of you to cover this in the POWER OF PRAYER!!!  AWAA assures us that they will do all they can to try to fulfill MOWCYA's request for information with expediency ~  to beat these looming court closures.  THANK YOU, AWAA!!!


If you are on FB, an we are friends, and you have already joined us in prayer, I THANK YOU!!!  We feel the covering of prayer!  I have gone from feeling like the wind got knocked out of me from being SMACKED with a 2x4, unable to even breathe one breath........to feeling as though I can now breathe again.  kind of. sort of......... 

Trusting God to move mountains on behalf of Baby K.  Although I feel I am at my ropes end, and my emotions cannot handle one more loop-dee-loo, I pray this more for the sake of our son.  May God grant "K" less time in an orphanage and more time with Mommy and Daddy.  At HOME!!!   


Lord, we know that you LOVE our son.  Even more than we love him.  Crazy to think that is possible.  Knowing this, and knowing that you desire to bless your believers abundantly, we gently lay our son ~ the creation of our family ~ again at your feet.  We ask you.  Beg you.  Plead, in fact, that your will maatch our hearts desire.  To finalize this adoption of our precious son BEFORE court closures.  We trust that you hold him in your loving arms, as you work out the amazing details of bringing him home.  To us.  


May you move in a mighty way these next few hours.  May your will be done.  Thank you, Lord, for loving Baby K.  Thank you, for loving Jeff and me.  Thank you for all you are doing to bring us together.  May our family be showered in your love, mercy, grace and protection.  May ALL of the families awaiting MOWCYA letters experience your monumental movement in these next hours!  


THANK YOU for joining us in prayer!  Please pray MOWCYA just needs some easy piece of info that can be obtained before closures!  And please ask God to cover our AWAA advocates, as they try to finalize this adoption for us.  


Will keep you posted.  In the meantime, please stay with us, fervently praying.  


Praying.  THE MOST POWERFUL thing we can do.  Bless you for every word sent up to our Heavenly Father on our behalf.


Please God, Please God, PLEASE!! Show up BIG!!!!