Friday, November 18, 2011

Beautiful Heartbreak - Every Step

(scroll to bottom of blog; pause my music player; click play button on video)

A friend of mine, Elicia, posted this video on her FB page just the other day.  She said,"What a beautiful reminder that (the THREE YEARS she spent, after first laying eyes on their daughter, waiting for her to come home from Haiti!) was not wasted and that as God tells us, 'God WILL restore the years that the locusts have eaten.'  We all have is what we let God do with those heartbreaks that matters!"

I have been crying.  A lot lately.  I am literally leaning on God and friends and family to help me get through each and every day as of late.  {THANK YOU for lifting me up and walking out each day with me!  Your FB messages, emails and comments really do lift me up!}

This video put me in a puddle of tears.........I responded to her post with the following words, "Praying that one day (SOON!) I can look back at this stage of my life and see it as just that ~ a beautiful heartbreak.  Knowing the sons that are coming to us, I know that I will."

Here is what encouragement Elicia had for me after I responded to her post.

"Debb...I promise that you will {be able to see this time as a beautiful heartbreak}.  I can say that with confidence because that is the heart of the God that we serve.  HE WILL USE THIS TIME FOR GOOD. He will finish what He started!  You can't see it now, and I couldn't either during the pain and the heartache.  BUT, because He loves you and your boys so deeply, He will bring all of this to an end someday.  Praying that it is VERY VERY soon.  Please know that I know right where you are at.  You are not alone.  It hurts.  So bad that sometimes you just have to use all the strength you have just to get out of bed.  Sometimes, I remember there weren't any words left to pray.  BUT....I know that the Lord hears the groaning of your heart!  My heart was breaking for you when you said that in the last pictures of sweet baby K he looked sad.  UGGGG.  That is salt in a wound.  He will smile again, you will smile again, and someday this will be over.  And when it is, I promise you that you will cherish every hug, every smile, every time they wake you up at 2m because you know what a gift it is.  Praying for you sweet friend and know that I am here to talk to, to cry to, to rage at, to pray with and to lift you up.  YOU ARE LOVED!!!!!"

Wow.  I am totally and completely AMAZED at the wonderful friends that God has bestowed upon me!  ALL of you have shared this journey with us, and for your prayers, encouragement, and your continued belief, we will be eternally grateful!!!!!!

I cannot post all of your encouraging words, but know how very much they help me believe.  Hope.  Cling to God.  Even breathe some days.

So there you have it.  This is where I am.  Struggling daily with the continued wait.  Walking around with a doubly deep void in my heart.  Yet, simultaneously, thankful for our boys, our family and friends and for this journey that is leading us to two very precious and dearly loved boys!  Definitely worth the heartbreak of waiting.  Definitely two beautiful reasons for heartbreak.  Definitely WORTH the agonizing wait.

Next week it will have been SIX MONTHS since first laying eyes on our sweet baby K. Second Court Date is next week for our baby ~ we should learn ON THANKSGIVING DAY if we finally passed!!!!  Meaning, that that all-important letter was present, and our baby boy will be legally and officially OURS!!!!  Still waiting for a Court Date for Big Brother as well.  Hoping that is in December.

Thank you, each and every one of you.  For loving me.  Jeff.  And our TWO AMAZING BOYS!!!!


Kelly said...

I love all the friendships, bonds and support that form through adoption. I think adoptive mommas just share an instant bond! Can't wait to see pictures of your family of 4!

kim said...

Your friends words really spoke to me right now, too. I totally get the whole no more tears left to cry, no more prayers left to pray, hard to even get out of bed or get through another day thing right now. Praying for ya'll.

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