WE DID NOT PASS COURT.

NO GO.


We did not pass. MOWCYA needs more info from our orphanage.  We are caught in the closures! 


Baby K will be in the orphanage another ~4 (hopefully not more!) months. 


Praying he is home by Christmas. Can't believe it. So sad. Devastated. 


Flipping between feelings of being forgotten, and trying to cling to our Heavenly Father.  I feel a bit zombie-like.  Almost numb.  So many feelings, yet void of feelings.  Like, if I really sit still and allow all these emotions to settle, I will lose it.


Trying to let this new reality really sink in.  Trying to accept it all.  Trying to be okay with not understanding any of it.  Trying to just trust that God still has this family covered.  It feels like such an effort right now.


However........each time a thought of feeling forgotten creeps into my mind, I block it out.......with the REAL PRESENCE of our Heavenly Father in my life.........through people like you ~ our "adoptive family!" ~ other friends and family too.


I was moved to tears this morning, as I pondered the many FB messages, texts, comments on the blog, emails, calls, etc, that I had been receiving.  Throughout this whole journey, and especially this week and these past few days as we approach the court closures.


Our baby and this adoption is so COVERED in prayer and God's love!  Through each of YOU!!!


With only receiving this bad news a few hours ago, I have already been showered with LOVE, ENCOURAGEMENT, EMPATHY, COMPASSION, and PRAYERS!!!!!  


THANK YOU to each and every one of you who have reached out to me ~ at any time throughout this adoption ~ and especially today!  (I am sorry I posted on FB faster than here)


I. cannot. deny. God's love. for. me. when I reflect pon the friends and family who are lifting me up as we receive this sad news.  I cannot imagine how many people are covering our son, and us, in prayers!  It truly floors me!  I love to see how God gathers us together to stand strong in Him!


Yesterday, when I probably should have been talking to my patient, I was praying instead.  I was asking ~ begging ~ God to surround our son with His peace, love and joy.  I pictured Jesus standing at the foot of Baby K's bed, arms outstretched over our sweet son, casting His protection around our child.  His child.  Protecting "K" from any and all arrows of the enemy.  I asked God to stand firm in this battle and to keep Baby K from feeling any of the angst of this storm.


It was shortly after this prayer that I received a precious note from Shanna Rowell, a fellow adoptive AWAA momma friend, letting me know that she had just loved on and prayed over Baby K!!!!  A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!!  God had answered my prayers before I even prayed them!

I want to extend a special THANK YOU to my dear, sweet friends, Caycee, Allison and Elicia ~ and their children!!!  

It is with these three precious, God-loving, adoptive momma friends that I received our phone call today.  We were having coffee together ~ keeping our sweet Caycee company as she heals from surgery, keeping me calm as I awaited our final call, and praying for God to still move BIG on Baby K's behalf.

Here are some photos of the joy that surrounded me this morning and afternoon (sorry some of them are blurry).

How could my heart NOT be light in the waiting this morning!?!?  At least some of the time! {smile}

I thank you, Allison, Caycee, and Elicia, for being with me in the waiting today!  


It was with these friends that I could cry with today, and share my fears, doubts, questions and sorrow upon receiving the sad news.  It was these amazing Christian friends who first upgirded me once we knew Baby K was caught in the closures.  They let me feel.  They let me cry.  They held me and hugged me.  They lifted me and my family in prayer.

They may not realize this, but they really did hold me up emotionally and spiritually.  They kept me from falling into a heap on the floor, sobbing and focusing on my negative feelings.  Eventually, they even got me laughing again.

Oh, and how precious is this?  I was starting to slow down in my crying, and Allison's daughter, Cassidy, called for me to come into the front room.  There, I walked into a room full of children, one of which was Elicia's daughter, playing a guitar.  The children all sang God's love into my heart.  

It was beautiful!  It moved me to tears again.  But this time, in a beautiful way.  The love of these sweet children melted. my. heart.  They wanted to soothe my soul.  And they did.  They wanted to shower me with God's love.  And they did.  Knowingly or not, these precious kiddos reminded me to worship our Heavenly Father.  Even now.  

And I did.