Friday, August 5, 2011



We did not pass. MOWCYA needs more info from our orphanage.  We are caught in the closures! 

Baby K will be in the orphanage another ~4 (hopefully not more!) months. 

Praying he is home by Christmas. Can't believe it. So sad. Devastated. 

Flipping between feelings of being forgotten, and trying to cling to our Heavenly Father.  I feel a bit zombie-like.  Almost numb.  So many feelings, yet void of feelings.  Like, if I really sit still and allow all these emotions to settle, I will lose it.

Trying to let this new reality really sink in.  Trying to accept it all.  Trying to be okay with not understanding any of it.  Trying to just trust that God still has this family covered.  It feels like such an effort right now.

However........each time a thought of feeling forgotten creeps into my mind, I block it out.......with the REAL PRESENCE of our Heavenly Father in my life.........through people like you ~ our "adoptive family!" ~ other friends and family too.

I was moved to tears this morning, as I pondered the many FB messages, texts, comments on the blog, emails, calls, etc, that I had been receiving.  Throughout this whole journey, and especially this week and these past few days as we approach the court closures.

Our baby and this adoption is so COVERED in prayer and God's love!  Through each of YOU!!!

With only receiving this bad news a few hours ago, I have already been showered with LOVE, ENCOURAGEMENT, EMPATHY, COMPASSION, and PRAYERS!!!!!  

THANK YOU to each and every one of you who have reached out to me ~ at any time throughout this adoption ~ and especially today!  (I am sorry I posted on FB faster than here)

I. cannot. deny. God's love. for. me. when I reflect pon the friends and family who are lifting me up as we receive this sad news.  I cannot imagine how many people are covering our son, and us, in prayers!  It truly floors me!  I love to see how God gathers us together to stand strong in Him!

Yesterday, when I probably should have been talking to my patient, I was praying instead.  I was asking ~ begging ~ God to surround our son with His peace, love and joy.  I pictured Jesus standing at the foot of Baby K's bed, arms outstretched over our sweet son, casting His protection around our child.  His child.  Protecting "K" from any and all arrows of the enemy.  I asked God to stand firm in this battle and to keep Baby K from feeling any of the angst of this storm.

It was shortly after this prayer that I received a precious note from Shanna Rowell, a fellow adoptive AWAA momma friend, letting me know that she had just loved on and prayed over Baby K!!!!  A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!!  God had answered my prayers before I even prayed them!

I want to extend a special THANK YOU to my dear, sweet friends, Caycee, Allison and Elicia ~ and their children!!!  

It is with these three precious, God-loving, adoptive momma friends that I received our phone call today.  We were having coffee together ~ keeping our sweet Caycee company as she heals from surgery, keeping me calm as I awaited our final call, and praying for God to still move BIG on Baby K's behalf.

Here are some photos of the joy that surrounded me this morning and afternoon (sorry some of them are blurry).

How could my heart NOT be light in the waiting this morning!?!?  At least some of the time! {smile}

I thank you, Allison, Caycee, and Elicia, for being with me in the waiting today!  

It was with these friends that I could cry with today, and share my fears, doubts, questions and sorrow upon receiving the sad news.  It was these amazing Christian friends who first upgirded me once we knew Baby K was caught in the closures.  They let me feel.  They let me cry.  They held me and hugged me.  They lifted me and my family in prayer.

They may not realize this, but they really did hold me up emotionally and spiritually.  They kept me from falling into a heap on the floor, sobbing and focusing on my negative feelings.  Eventually, they even got me laughing again.

Oh, and how precious is this?  I was starting to slow down in my crying, and Allison's daughter, Cassidy, called for me to come into the front room.  There, I walked into a room full of children, one of which was Elicia's daughter, playing a guitar.  The children all sang God's love into my heart.  

It was beautiful!  It moved me to tears again.  But this time, in a beautiful way.  The love of these sweet children melted. my. heart.  They wanted to soothe my soul.  And they did.  They wanted to shower me with God's love.  And they did.  Knowingly or not, these precious kiddos reminded me to worship our Heavenly Father.  Even now.  

And I did.


Loving the Adventure said...

Praying for you in the wait...and sweet grace from our Lord!
Olivia Gregory

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog from time to time. I know this is not going to comfort you much, I am sure, but I just wanted to let you know that it's all going to be ok when you are FINALLY home with your sweet baby. We adopted in 2008 and were caught up in the Vietnam change of VISA issues. With 2 weeks left to travel, we were told that we would have to wait at least 4-6 more months to travel. Instead of a 4-month-old, we brought home a 9-month-old. It was a terrible 5 months at the time. I made the most of with prayer and a little retail therapy. Looking back know, that time seems like sweet time that I had with my family and in my growth. Please know that you are being prayed for by many. I pray that this time is quick and that you are able to get updates and pics of your sweet boy.

beBOLDjen said...

Debbie, you might not remember me.... it's been a while since I've been by for a visit. I just wanted to say my heart aches with remembrance when this happened to our family. We sat through closure and then failed to pass once more after courts reopened. I remember all the feelings of loss and confusion as to how this could ever be God's best for our son. Four months seems like an eternity, I know. These waiting days WILL eventually end and you WILL be united with Baby K. I pray for God to sustain you during this time and for Baby K... for all those prayers which there aren't really even words for.

Joshua and Hilary said...

I'm praying sweet fellow sister in Christ! Hold fast to HIS truth, just as you have been doing! Baby K is in God's hands and are so are ya'll! Praying, earnestly- praying! Much love!

Kim said...

I can't imagine how much your heart is aching right now. Praying that you get into court again as soon as it re-opens and that you PASS so you can get your little one HOME!

Alison said...

Oh, I am so sorry, Debb. I know your heart is breaking. I can't imagine. I will pray that God will give you hope and peace in the wait, and that the time will pass FAST! Love ya!

Anonymous said...

I can't believe it, Debb. I'm sure this is crushing for you and Jeff; I can't say I understand what you're going through (I wish I could), but I sympathize and I hope these next several months fly by for you. In the end, in the big picture, 4-6 months won't be as long as they seem now, and the end result will be the same--you will get to be a mom to Baby K for the rest of your/his life. God bless, and I'll see you on Monday (my appointment). -Tanya

Kelly said...

KEEP "holding God's hand in the journey", friend!

Elle J said...

Teary-eyed reading this post, Debb. I will pray you continue to find our Heavenly Father's strength each passing day - and rejoice as the calendar changes to another day closer to your son. Praying for the final steps in your beautiful journey.

Lari said...

I'm so sorry Debb! I will be praying for all 3 of you!

Randee said...

Debb, I've been praying but I am so sorry to read this update tonight. I will continue to pray that the Lord holds your heart and your sweet baby as he waits. Love you friend. Randee

Debb said...

Each and every word written here BLESSES ME! THANK YOU for showering me with God's love! I am astounded at how MANY peeps are sending love and prayers for me and my family! Your encouragement is helping me to keep my chin up and my eyes focused on our Heavenly Father. Means the WORLD to me! May God bless your lovingkindness!!!

Natalia K said...

Debb, I got tears in my eyes reading this. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you and Jeff. Hold fast to God's promises, like you have been doing. Though I know your arms ache to hold your son and never let go, your baby K is not alone, and is not just with his caretakers, but he is held in the arms of God Himself. He is so blessed to have a mama and daddy like you and Jeff praying over him even when you are half a world away. I will keep praying for all of you also, as I have been doing. God bless you!

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