Monday, February 21, 2011


Sooooo....remember how I mentioned that The Created for Care Retreat allowed each of us to have "A Date With God?"  Well, I realize that I have yet to share with you how God "met me" during our "date."  So, I will attempt to capture it for you now.

We walked into the "Date with God" ~ a very serene room that had candles burning and Christian music softly playing.  This created such a peaceful "God-and-me" atmosphere!  I found myself taking a deep breathe and slowly exhaling all the craziness of life, leaving me with "just" God.  {grin}

The post-it prayer corner really touched my heart as I was able to lay down my burden "at the cross," anonymously trusting it to so many loving, caring women; while also having the privilege to pray for so many of these precious women and their burdens ~ not just at that moment ~ but many moments since that time!  I still pray for you women whose prayers jumped out at me!  God knows who you are!

God really met me at another "station" and had a HUGE impact on me as I spent a few minutes pouring over the Bible!  If you have a few minutes, I would love to share the experience with you!

First, I got comfy on the floor and picked up one of the Bibles laying there.  I then reminded God of how BIG His book is (in case He didn't already know, right!?)......and asked Him to lead me to exactly where He wanted me to read and "find" Him.

As in previous times, God used The Word again to speak directly to me!  I randomly opened the Bible, and the pages fell open to the end of Matthew Chapter 4 and the beginning of Matthew Chapter 5.

The end of chapter four reminded me of God's almighty HEALING POWER, as He preached and healed every disease and sickness.  This is significant because, previous to the retreat, God had shown me some areas of my heart that needed His healing.  Areas that still felt "wounded" from our struggles with infertility and our miscarriages.  Even though I am in such a GREAT place with our adoption, He revealed to me areas of doubt and unbelief that were creating a distant between me and God.

My eyes welled with tears as He gently reminded me that He can HEAL ANYthing!  ALL things!  Even my broken heart with its "wounds" still untouched ~ by my efforts of self-protection.

Can you imagine feeling the need to protect yourself from God!?!?  The One whose plan for us is ALWAYS GOOD!?!?  What was I thinking?  I was so unaware of my need for healing, yet SO THANKFUL that He sees things we do not see.  And loves us enough to not leave us where we are, unchanged!

After reading of His healing power, and feeling His desire to heal MY heart "wounds," I couldn't help but hear myself silently praise Him ~ while intermittently hearing myself speak out my "Yeah-buts."  You know, those silent comments like......."Yeah-but you didn't save our babies with the miscarriages!"........."Yeah-but you didn't heal our fertility issues!"....."Yeah-but you abandoned me!"............"Yeah-but!"....."Yeah-but!"...........

I was then prompted to continue reading in Matthew Chapter five, which lead me to Jesus giving the Sermon on the Mount and the Beatitudes.  You know, the verses Matt 5:1-12, that state:    The poor in spirit receive the Kingdom of God.  Those who mourn receive His comfort.  The meek inherit the earth.  The hungry and thirsty are filled by Him.  The merciful are shown mercy.  The pure in heart will see God.  The peacemakers will be called sons of God.  Those persecuted because of righteousness receive the kingdom of heaven.   These helped resolve those "yeah-buts" that arose in Chapter four.

You see, God lead me to the Beatitudes, I believe, to show me how to be BLESSED (which is so much more than just happiness).  The Beatitudes do not promise the believer constant laughter, ease, or pleasure.  They do show, however, that to be "blessed" is to experience deep hope and joy INDEPENDENT OF OUR CIRCUMSTANCES.  Hope and joy ~ the deepest form of happiness ~ is found when we follow Jesus.  No matter what the cost.

He lead me to these verses to show me that by giving up my own rights in order to serve Him and others, I will one day receive everything God has in store for me ~ though it may not all occur in this life.

The darker moments of my life weren't God "holding out on me!"  He wasn't "punishing" me for some unknown reason.  He wasn't abandoning me!  The Christian life is no guarantee against the mishaps of life.  Instead, God promises to remain beside us as we mourn, hunger, etc, with a plan to bring blessings as we surrender our life (and dreams) to Him.

It was like I could feel God gently place His finger upon each "wounded" area of my heart and fill it with His love ~ right then and there in my date with Him.  Sealing the holes in my heart.  While also removing the wall of mistrust I crafted to keep me a "safe" distance from Him!

Finally, God drew our "date" to an end, by prompting me to read the last few verses (Matthew 5:13-16).

For weeks, God had also been showing me that He sees me as "bright"......"sparkling"....."shining"...... "radiant."  I struggled to see this, as my heart had been feeling more ....."dark"......"dormant"......"dry," as I focused on the hard things of this adoption.  The prolonged waiting.  The ache of my momma heart and emptiness of my mommy arms.

These last verses prodded me to think of what to do with this newfound awareness.  God reminded me that I am to be "SALT of the world."  Just as salt is a seasoning that brings out the best flavor in food, He wants me to affect others in a similar positive way.  He wants me to be a vessel in which He can bring out the good in others.

He also beckoned me to be "LIGHT of the world." {aha!  there's that bright, sparkling radiance again!}  God wants me have the "glow" that I once carried.  The light I naturally shined when I trusted God with ALL things in my life.  Including my future husband and children.

That light was HIS love spilling over from me.  He wants me to be so filled with His divine love again, that it cannot help but overflow to others!  This is how I can "wait with a purpose!"  He wants my light to shine for miles, showing others what Christ is like!  "Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."  (Matt 5:16)

God re-ignited a FIRE in my heart on that date with Him!  A fire that I was unknowingly extinguishing with my doubt and unbelief.

I am experiencing that familiar feeling of total surrender again!  A surrender out of desire and yearning for closeness with Him.  I am no longer filled with a fear of what He may do in my life, but instead, an utter confidence that WHATEVER His plan.........I KNOW IT WILL BE GOOD!  ALWAYS!  (even if it means more waiting. did I just say that?).

Lord, "I will always choose YOU!"

If you are still reading this ~ I THANK YOU for hanging in there and wanting to share in my "Date with God!"  I am so excited to have discovered how God wants me to be "waiting with a purpose!"  May you join me in striving to be His Salt and Light of the earth.  To ALL we meet.  No matter what trial or "waiting room" we may be in right now.............


MamaMimi said...

That was very touching. Very real and raw. Thank you for sharing so much of your heart with us. I feel blessed for following your journey.

Mandie M. said...


Thank you for posting this! I am really going to need to set my eyes on the Lord to SHINE for Him as we have yet another delay. My mommy arms may be empty again after holding our sweet boy, but I need to shine for the Lord as I wait!!

Randee said...

Oh boy- what a night! I realize that I do still hold on to many of the things you described above (the yeah-buts and self protective instinct.) I still feel so raw sometimes when other times I feel pretty good and even well on a path to healing. It is frustrating, but I want to continue to allow the Lord to heal my heart. Thank you for sharing- again I feel that our paths have similar in so many ways! Randee

erica said...

Love this! Thanks for the great reminders. I love your attitude and heart for serving faithfully. Blessings to you today! ;)

jkseevers said...

Thanks, Debb for this post. Although we are months behind you with our DTE date of 11/19/2010, it still feels like we've been waiting forever... or maybe it's that I see how slow things are moving for those ahead of us,and I get discouraged, even afraid of what that means for us at the back of the pack... I needed the reminder that The Lord wants us to continue shining our light, even when things don't go our way. People are watching... and so is God. I know this is a test of my character. Clearly I'm on the potter's wheel right now being shaped and reshaped... it's not fun, it's not easy, but if I let go and trust God, it'll be a much more beautiful ride. Thanks for the reminder!
Oh! and btw, you TOTALLY have a sparkling light to your countenance. Clearly The Lord IS shining through you!!


Alison said...

So beautiful! I am still upset that I missed my "Date with God" at the sounds like it was an amazing time! So glad you had the chance to pour your heart out to the Lord!

The Davidsons said...

Thanks for sharing that Debb!! I'll be reflecting on your thoughts throughout the day. BTW - I also see you as SHINING :)

Nel said...

The blog is very good!

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