All throughout the Fall I kept noticing the word "BELIEVE" popping up everywhere. You know, that kind of "noticing" where you know that you know God is MAKING the word stand out to you in effort to grab your attention. "BELIEVE" kept popping up on signs, cards given to me, devotions, conversations, advertisements, etc. I began to recognize these encounters as divine ~ He was trying to get me to BELIEVE! In Him. In His divine plan for me. For the creation of our family. It took me a couple of months to put all of this together and really begin to feel safe to believe again. No sooner did I grasp this and the word "HOPE" came before me over and again. It popped up more frequently than just by coincidence. It showed up on devoitions, verses, cards, etc. I realized He was now taking me a step further from belief.... and challenging me to have hope again. In Him.
This was a few months after our August miscarriage. Hope was not something I was carrying in my heart anymore, as it was too painful to risk being heart-broken again. He showed me the verse Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all Joy and Peace in BELIEVING, so that you may abound in HOPE by the Holy Spirit." [capitals are mine] Holy cow! Nothing like tying it all together for me! I needed to believe in Him so that I could have hope once again!
As hope was becoming revived in me again, God spoke to me through Joel Osteen. A morning devotion was saying that we cannot have FAITH if we do not first have HOPE. He went on to share how God is sometimes limited by our own unBELIEF. This helped wrap it up for me. God wanted me to BELIEVE again.....so that I could have HOPE again......so that I could live by FAITH again!
Some of you may say "duh!" at this revelation, but He brought this to me at a time when I was able to lean on Him but was not fully believing in Him. Have you ever been there? Saying the right things, not because your heart was there, but because you hoped your words would help bring your heart to meet your head? Well, I am happy to say that I am continuing down that path of belief, hope and faith. I am thankful that He gave me eyes to see things as He would have me see them, for my eyes were only seeing bleakness. I didn't know where He was going to take me, but I knew that I could trust Him.
I thank you, Lord, that you have shown us a glimpse of which path to walk. We are excited to step onto the path of ADOPTION! I only hope that my empty heart and arms can endure the wait.....................
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