BLESSED.
HARD.
EMOTIONAL.
AMAZING!!!!!!
All at the same time!
We made our family trip to Florida last week, to meet birth mom and dad on Saturday, August 16th. The importance of this date is not irony, we believe, but divine orchestration. You see……..our last miscarriage was on this very date a few years back!
Yes! You heard me right! We met with birth mom (birth dad ended up not making it)! A day of huge progress toward becoming a family of five! On the exact date that we lost our last baby. Not that one child can ever replace another. Oh MY no! No way! But such a sweetness in how God brought things full circle, if you will……….
Back to the precious gathering.
Boy, was I nervous! This beautiful opportunity to meet, talk with and share with birth mom seemed different than our previous birth mom meetings, in the sense that care of our boys had already been relinquished. This time…..birth mom was still CARRYING baby sis, say nothing of relinquishment yet! This spun a little different sense of nervousness for me at first conception of the meeting.
God gently changed that nervous perspective for me. Before the gathering even happened.
You see, days leading up to this meeting, God made it repeatedly clear that this sweet gathering wasn't meant to be filled with worry, stress or angst. Nor was it about what we could get out of the meeting (i.e., answers for baby sis as she ages and inquires).
This blessed meeting was about making it all about God. Making it about HIS story. Not baby sis' story, and especially not my story. This meeting wasn't about me at all. It was all about allowing GOD's story to unfold. In His manner and timing.
Our dear adoption consultant, Susan, confirmed what I felt I had been 'hearing.' She shared with me another adoptive mama's heart after experiencing a failed adoption (birth mom chose to parent after delivery) and months later being matched and finally bringing home their God-ordained child. This woman shared that she would never regret LOVING BIG. Both times.
This soooo resonated with what I felt God had been planting in my heart, that I was moved to tears in my conversation with Susan. It was from this point forward that I kept my eyes focused on God and my heart open. Unreserved. Open to allow the flow of this love I was already feeling for baby sis as she grows in another woman's tummy. Open to love both birth parents. Open to trust God. And LOVE BIG, all that comes with this amazing journey!!!
As we spent an afternoon with this incredibly precious, strong, courageous and loving woman, "LOVING BIG" came naturally. Or should I say SUPERnaturally! God covered every moment we shared together!
Knowing God's handprints were already ALL OVER this adoption journey, I never should have let the nerves and worry sneak in. He had us in the very palm of His hand! ALL of us!!!
As my sweet friend, Allison, said….."God orchestrated this all because He loves each one of you so much!!"
BAM! She nailed it!
Though bittersweet, adoption is about God loving each and every one involved in the beautiful journey and gifting His blessings upon all. Baby/child. Birth parent(s). Adoptive parents. Families.
Birth mom received peace in gaining answers to her many heart-felt questions about us, our family, parenting style, etc, and we gained a peace that this woman is real. She is loving and kind. And she is genuinely trying her best to choose the right path for her baby. Even if the choice of a different path for her child does not come easy to her.
I know no greater selfless love.
And we have been blessed by such a love three times now. We are so undeserving.
To add to the blessings of this day, we were able to "meet" baby sister via ultrasound! It was such a miracle to experience a positive and exciting ultrasound that revealed to us the little life we are to be gifted!
I silently cried as I first laid eyes on our baby girl. This crazy amazing beyond~comprehension gift of adoption. Straight from God. Again. Shaking my head in awe of it all.
We watched baby sister move! Incredible! Birth mom is taking such great care of her! No medications ~ not even for her heart-burn, bless her heart! Baby Sis was described by the ultrasonographer as having big eyes, big cheeks and lots of hair! {insert huge mama grin here!} At 29 weeks she was a healthy 3 pounds ~ right within norms for this timeframe. The cord had good flow and was in great position (no where near her neck).
This miraculous life is thriving wonderfully well! And we got to SEE her! Birth mom is feeling good, with the exception of heart burn and the start of swelling feet. And me……I was filled to overflowing with love. For God, for this sweet baby girl, birth mom and dad, the family I already have, and the dream abut a baby girl that continued to simmer even when I felt so completely filled by my boys!
Emotions. OH! The emotions! I tried to keep it together throughout the day. Even when both of us mama's hugged an unforgettable heart-felt hug. A hug that was filled with mutual gratitude, trust, joy, sorrow, bitterness and sweetness……...all wrapped up in LOVE. A hug I will not forget.
I held it together for my boys. But let me tell you. Once they were asleep, the tears flowed from a place deep within. Too many emotions to even calculate. Too many tears to even fathom. Coming from a place I had only recognized two other times before. Sami and Kaleab's adoption.
God promised me I don't need to worry over Baby Sis. Nor do I need to worry for birth mom. He assured me I needn't worry about the outcome of this baby's delivery ~ and who she will go home with. God loves her. And He will make certain she goes to the family He created her to be with. He reminded me that reserving this love I feel for this baby will do no good for her. This love I feel is good. It is safe. It is for our baby girl. And it is more than okay to let the feelings flow. It only blesses baby sis.
God knew. He knew the struggles of these birth parents. He knew the desires of our hearts to add a baby girl to our precious family. He knows how this will all go.
And all we are called to do right now is LOVE.
LOVE BIG.
Without Fear. (1 John 4:18)
Love with an unreserved , genuine LOVE for this precious princess growing and getting ready to greet the world. For this precious life we feel is called to be our daughter. For the birth parents burdened with decisions so profoundly impacting her life. Her destiny. And for the Heavenly Father that orchestrated it all because He loves each one of us so much!!!!
HARD.
EMOTIONAL.
AMAZING!!!!!!
All at the same time!
We made our family trip to Florida last week, to meet birth mom and dad on Saturday, August 16th. The importance of this date is not irony, we believe, but divine orchestration. You see……..our last miscarriage was on this very date a few years back!
Yes! You heard me right! We met with birth mom (birth dad ended up not making it)! A day of huge progress toward becoming a family of five! On the exact date that we lost our last baby. Not that one child can ever replace another. Oh MY no! No way! But such a sweetness in how God brought things full circle, if you will……….
Back to the precious gathering.
Boy, was I nervous! This beautiful opportunity to meet, talk with and share with birth mom seemed different than our previous birth mom meetings, in the sense that care of our boys had already been relinquished. This time…..birth mom was still CARRYING baby sis, say nothing of relinquishment yet! This spun a little different sense of nervousness for me at first conception of the meeting.
God gently changed that nervous perspective for me. Before the gathering even happened.
You see, days leading up to this meeting, God made it repeatedly clear that this sweet gathering wasn't meant to be filled with worry, stress or angst. Nor was it about what we could get out of the meeting (i.e., answers for baby sis as she ages and inquires).
This blessed meeting was about making it all about God. Making it about HIS story. Not baby sis' story, and especially not my story. This meeting wasn't about me at all. It was all about allowing GOD's story to unfold. In His manner and timing.
Our dear adoption consultant, Susan, confirmed what I felt I had been 'hearing.' She shared with me another adoptive mama's heart after experiencing a failed adoption (birth mom chose to parent after delivery) and months later being matched and finally bringing home their God-ordained child. This woman shared that she would never regret LOVING BIG. Both times.
This soooo resonated with what I felt God had been planting in my heart, that I was moved to tears in my conversation with Susan. It was from this point forward that I kept my eyes focused on God and my heart open. Unreserved. Open to allow the flow of this love I was already feeling for baby sis as she grows in another woman's tummy. Open to love both birth parents. Open to trust God. And LOVE BIG, all that comes with this amazing journey!!!
As we spent an afternoon with this incredibly precious, strong, courageous and loving woman, "LOVING BIG" came naturally. Or should I say SUPERnaturally! God covered every moment we shared together!
Knowing God's handprints were already ALL OVER this adoption journey, I never should have let the nerves and worry sneak in. He had us in the very palm of His hand! ALL of us!!!
As my sweet friend, Allison, said….."God orchestrated this all because He loves each one of you so much!!"
BAM! She nailed it!
Though bittersweet, adoption is about God loving each and every one involved in the beautiful journey and gifting His blessings upon all. Baby/child. Birth parent(s). Adoptive parents. Families.
Birth mom received peace in gaining answers to her many heart-felt questions about us, our family, parenting style, etc, and we gained a peace that this woman is real. She is loving and kind. And she is genuinely trying her best to choose the right path for her baby. Even if the choice of a different path for her child does not come easy to her.
I know no greater selfless love.
And we have been blessed by such a love three times now. We are so undeserving.
To add to the blessings of this day, we were able to "meet" baby sister via ultrasound! It was such a miracle to experience a positive and exciting ultrasound that revealed to us the little life we are to be gifted!
We watched baby sister move! Incredible! Birth mom is taking such great care of her! No medications ~ not even for her heart-burn, bless her heart! Baby Sis was described by the ultrasonographer as having big eyes, big cheeks and lots of hair! {insert huge mama grin here!} At 29 weeks she was a healthy 3 pounds ~ right within norms for this timeframe. The cord had good flow and was in great position (no where near her neck).
This miraculous life is thriving wonderfully well! And we got to SEE her! Birth mom is feeling good, with the exception of heart burn and the start of swelling feet. And me……I was filled to overflowing with love. For God, for this sweet baby girl, birth mom and dad, the family I already have, and the dream abut a baby girl that continued to simmer even when I felt so completely filled by my boys!
GOD IS INCREDIBLY GOOD!!!!!!!
I held it together for my boys. But let me tell you. Once they were asleep, the tears flowed from a place deep within. Too many emotions to even calculate. Too many tears to even fathom. Coming from a place I had only recognized two other times before. Sami and Kaleab's adoption.
God promised me I don't need to worry over Baby Sis. Nor do I need to worry for birth mom. He assured me I needn't worry about the outcome of this baby's delivery ~ and who she will go home with. God loves her. And He will make certain she goes to the family He created her to be with. He reminded me that reserving this love I feel for this baby will do no good for her. This love I feel is good. It is safe. It is for our baby girl. And it is more than okay to let the feelings flow. It only blesses baby sis.
God knew. He knew the struggles of these birth parents. He knew the desires of our hearts to add a baby girl to our precious family. He knows how this will all go.
And all we are called to do right now is LOVE.
LOVE BIG.
Without Fear. (1 John 4:18)
Love with an unreserved , genuine LOVE for this precious princess growing and getting ready to greet the world. For this precious life we feel is called to be our daughter. For the birth parents burdened with decisions so profoundly impacting her life. Her destiny. And for the Heavenly Father that orchestrated it all because He loves each one of us so much!!!!
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