Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Blessings of Beth Moore

Beth Moore.

Isn’t she the sweetest and most adorable southern belle you can think of?  She came to town this last weekend and almost 200 women from our church attended her conference, along with 4, 800 other women!  Yes, 5000 women gathered Friday night and Saturday to hear the wisdom and humor of this gifted Christian teacher.

I attended with a group of dear friends, of which some of us had gone to see Beth 4 years ago when she was here too!  As expected, she did not disappoint!

To be honest, having Sami only home a week, I almost did not go {I had purchased the ticket a few months ago}.  It felt so empty to leave the boys.  Yes, even though they were going to be with Daddy, and it was only for a couple hours.  Jeff encouraged me to go, reminding me that I needed the God time and the girl time.  SUCH great advice! 

The first lesson of the weekend was the physical reminder of the refreshment that comes from spending time with God as well as with girlfriends!  It was great for me to remember the importance of prioritizing God over my family……..which only helps me be a better wife and mother!  {do I hear an AMEN out there!?}

I prayed that God would cover me throughout the event and not let my longing to be with my family interfere with the lessons He intended for me to grasp with Beth’s message.  And I prayed that all three of “my boys” would have a great father-son time together.   God heard my prayers!

Dinner Friday night with the girls was so relaxing and fun ~ though I sat there with a big void in my heart being away from Sami and Kaleab {I’m used to being away from Jeff for a couple of hours}.  Fridays message was good, though I didn’t yet know how God was going to personalize it for me. 


Saturday morning was rich.  It all came together.  As Beth spoke of the various kinds of hindrances that can hold us back from God’s purpose for our lives, I began to realize that the enemy is already at work trying to hinder me in my mission of motherhood.  Of course he is already at work!  My family is now my current ministry and he wants to interrupt that ANY way he can!

satan was already trying to invade my exuberance and joy of having my family TOGETHER with worry.  I hear that all first-time mamas get this worry.  You know, the worry of "how can I be the BEST mama?" and "Am I equipped to do as good a job as I hope to do in my role of motherhood?"   Yes, these questions were beginning to whirr in my mind and I had not realized {until this conference} how much I was starting to burden myself with my tendency toward perfection.

When I do something, anything, I give it my all and desire to do my very best.  And when it comes to parenting our precious boys, there is no exception.  In fact, I realized that I was putting an even higher standard than perfection on myself.  Already!

Jumping into parenthood full-board has always been exciting for me and Jeff. Still is!  Yet, it was the consideration of various scenerios {that most parents come to gradually} that were beginning to make me question my ability to mother at the high standard I hoped to perform.  

You know, things like making decisions about what is the best school for Sami ~ private Christian school that best nurtures his already-established beautiful heart for Christ; or public school that has much stronger English as a second language support?  How much television should we allow Sami to view each day?  How do I play with Kaleab and not feel bad for Sami and then play with Sami and not feel bad for Kaleab {when we aren’t all playing together}?  Wanting to buy everything possible for Sami yet not wanting to set a precedence that the world will always be handed to him on a silver platter.  Questioning how I can protect both my boys from future hurts in life.  Wondering how I can make up for the almost 12 years that we missed with Sami, to instill solid Christian values and morals ~ especially in considering sending him to a public school for the stronger ESL programs, and worrying about the worldly influence that is more likely present in public rather than private Christian schools.

You know, the thoughts that every mother worries about for her children.  Only for us, these decisions are all coming at once!  I am surprised at how quickly I began to doubt my and Jeff’s ability to make the right choices.  The enemy is wicked and ever so quick to tempt us to doubt God’s provisions for our parenting needs!

Well, GET.BEHIND.ME.sATAN!  Beth rocked it this weekend as she helped me see that my biggest hindrance to my God-ordained calling of motherhood was my tendency to doubt!  

God used Beth to reveal to me my tendency to doubt ~ both myself and God's ability to equip me with making the correct decisions for our boys!  God gently showed me how this fear/doubt could hinder my ability to mother well, while also hindering my FREEDOM to be the mother God created me to be!!!  After all, who enjoys and performs well under the pressure of judgement and the threat of failure and insecurity!?!?!?!?  Who!???!!??!!???

God also reminded me of how WELL he has provided for BOTH Sami and Kaleab in my and Jeff’s absence!  Did I really think this mothering things was totally up to me and me alone?  Had I really forgotten already how beautifully God provides?  God loves our boys even MORE than Jeff and I do!  He is not going to let a “wrong” decision that we may make as the boys parents ruin our sons!  As long as we continue to seek God’s guidance, He will always help answer our questions and guide our decisions on behalf of Sami and Kaleab! THANK YOU, GOD!!!

Although I do not know WHY God chose me for the privilege of mothering these two amazing boys, I cannot put the pressure of perfection upon myself.  Not without becoming hindered in my calling to love, nurture and provide for our sons.  I don’t want to miss out on fulfilling the role of their mother by hindering myself with doubt and worry!  

I want to be the BEST mother God can help me be for Sami and Kaleab!  Which means BELIEVING that God will help me do that!

How FREEING to have the hindrance of doubt and worry lifted from my heart this weekend!  How liberating to be reminded of God’s love for me, as a mother, as well as for my children!  How fascinating to watch God use one sweet southern beauty to speak the same message to 5000 women, meeting each one of us in our different ways!

Am I refreshed after spending time with girlfriends?  Absolutely!  I am blessed to have such beautiful friends with precious hearts for God?  Incredibly!  Am I thankful to God for showing me how I was starting to worry about things that He has covered both now and in our sons future?  Oh, my, how thankful I am!

Feeling so FREE to be the mother God chose me to be!  FREE because I know that God is walking alongside me and loves my boys even MORE than I do {so hard  to comprehend}!  Feeling FREE because as every new parent questions their ability to parent, I have learned that, with God, I really can nurture and love our boys the way in which I hoped to!  With God, I can bless our boys ~ as they have already blessed me!

Thank you Beth Moore for your great words of wisdom.  Thank you, Sami and Kaleab for filling my heart to overflowing.  Thank you, Heavenly Father, for recognizing my silent fears of not mothering as well as I desire, and reminding me that YOU are the reason I can know that I will be a good mother to our sweet precious, precious boys!


Marty said...

AMEN! And I am happy to see that you purposely gave our enemy a very small letter at the beginning of his name! You rock!

Post a Comment

We Love Your Kind Thoughts!