Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Dear Big Brother...

Dear "S,"

I miss you so.  My eyes well up with tears as I even begin to write this.  This.  This note that you may never see.  Or won't see until it is bound in a book and you have been home for some time.  Yet, still, I need to write it.  If, for no other reason that to feel closer to you.

It is snowing today.  It is March and it is snowing.  Welcome to Spring in Idaho.  Sunshine one day and snow the next.  My heart is saddened with the snow today, mostly because Dad and I thought for sure you would be home to enjoy snow for the first time with us THIS Winter.  Yes, there are many other winters beyond this one, but we were excited to share this one with you.

Kaleab is doing wonderfully well.  He misses you like we do.  He still reaches out and points to the pictures we have up of you.  We repeatedly say your name as he touches your face.  He still knows you, his ever-preciuos Big Brother.

I received some sweet pictures of your beautiful face.  You were playing with your buddy.  You look good.  Healthy.  Happy.  I pray that both are true.  I pray that you are genuinely happy, son.  I know that we are apart right now, but I hope that you know that you know that we are coming back to bring you HOME!!!!  Just waiting for mowcya to get their act together and for embassy to then grant us an invitation to come and get you!!!

I pray that as you lay your head on your pillow each night, that you can feel Dad's and my love.  I pray that you can feel God holding you.  I pray that you dream of Jesus every night and awaken feeling His love, and His presence.  Knowing deeper still who YOU are in Christ!  :)  I pray that you find JOY in each day. I pray that you see Jesus and feel His presence in a special way each and every day.

God is meeting me each day too.  He is letting me know of HIs presence through this waiting as well.  Just today I received a sweet note from a fellow AWAA adoptive mom.  We have never spoken or written to one another before today, but she reached out to tell me that God was putting me and you and our family on her heart!  She is praying for us and wants to become FB friends so that she can follow our journey more closely and know more specifically how to pray for us!

Isn't that AMAZING!?!?!?  Such a perfect example of God laying us on another's heart, to prompt the POWER of prayer.....and to ease my waiting heart with a gentle reminder that we are NOT forgotten by our loving God!  He remembers us, sweet son!  He is still working on competing what He has started.  Just as He meets me where I am at ~ on the good and the rougher days ~ I trust that He is meeting you in a similar fashion.  Reminding you that HE IS STILL IN CONTROL!  He HAS this!  NONE of this takes Him by surprise!  His plan is for our GOOD.  Even though it doesn't quite feel good right now.

OH, how my heart is OVERJOYED to have sweet Kaleab HOME!!!  EIGHT LONG MONTHS after referral and another 5 weeks of living in Ethiopia before we could bring him home!  I am praising God for completing this portion of our blessed journey of adoption!

Yet, amidst my overflowing JOY of having your sweet brother home, I cannot ignore the void that I feel.  The void that only YOU can fill.  The void that God created in my heart that has YOUR name on it.  Kaleab makes me giggle and fills my heart to overflowing, YES!  Absolutely!  It is hard to describe how my heart can feel so FULL and yet, at the same time,  a void remains.  That void that only you can fill.  Only you.  Kaleab has his own space in my heart that only he can fill too.  And as I enjoy experiencing the jubilation of his void being filled, I look forward to your space being filled by your presence too.

Our adoption journey to you two boys has taught me many life lessons.  It has broken and healed my heart in numerous ways  {all for another post another day}.  Being home, Kaleab is my daily reminder that God is working ~ even when we do not see Him.  That God's plan IS good ~ even when it does not feel good.  That God is ever-present ~ even when we cannot feel His presence.  That God is FAITHFUL to complete all that He starts.  And He heals the wounds of waiting with every day of being together.

I cling to these lessons learned.  And now, this extended wait on the phase of passing court, AGAIN, I lean into these hard-learned lessons.  I am challenged to dig deep.  The enemy is challenging my belief of these lessons, trying to get to me to fall back on my doubt and unbelief.

But!  I did, indeed, learned the TRUTH of these lessons this two year journey to you boys...and in my five weeks of loving on you and Kaleab in Ethiopia!  Their TRUTH is burrowed deep within my soul.  THANK YOU, GOD!!!!  Sure, I am tempted to fall back into my doubt and unbelief, but I am quicker now, to shake my head and replace those broken records of LIES and replace them with God's TRUTH.

And so, I wait for you.  And as I wait, I pray for you.  Daily.  I pray that God continues to reveal Himself to you in such a way that no challenge of the enemy will ever get you to doubt your Heavenly Father.  I pray that this journey home will be a healing journey for you as it has been for me.

I love you, "S."  With all my heart.  May you feel that across the seas.  May you see it in the stars at night and feel it in the sun's warmth by day.  May you never lose hope of your Dad and my return.  Of our life together.  FOREVER.

Be strong and courageous, son.  For our God is with you.  Everywhere you go.


erica said...

Beautiful. Really hoping that you get to see your son and hold him in your arms again SOON!!

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