Monday, August 1, 2011


THIS IS THE WEEK!  The big countdown!  If that MOWCYA letter arrives by this week's end, Baby K will be home in 4-8 weeks!  If that letter does not arrive, he will be home in 4-6 months.  U.G.H!!!!

As the reality of this sinks in, I begin to feel the cloud of doubt and fear hover over me.  I feel anxiety and stress build within me.  Afterall, they say that MOWCYA is one month behind, and we only have 16 days between our Court Date and Court Closures.  

However, I refuse to give in.  I refuse to let the enemy toil with me.  I refuse to live in fear.  I refuse to try to endure this wait in my own human efforts.  I can only call upon my Lord. To ask Him to create a miracle and produce this letter this week.  To ask Him to help me TRUST in Him and His divine plan for our son.

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God,
but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God,
being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised.
Romans 4:20-21


GOD has really really been working on me in regards to BELIEVING and having NO DOUBT throughout this entire adoption journey.  However, this message has become so very loud and clear that there is no denying it is still high on GOD's list for me to Learn.  Grasp.  Breathe.  and Live by.

Prior to receiving our surprise Court Date (CD), I had written a post that talked about how our pastor's sermon on Mark 9:23, 24 really spoke to my heart.  I didn't get it posted before we were blessed by a CD earlier than we ever imagined we would get one!  I mention it now, as it is till fitting today.

Remember the story in the Bible (Mark 9: 23, 24) where the man is asking Jesus to cast out a spirit that is in his son?  The man said to Jesus, "......but if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

"If you can?" said Jesus.  "Everything is possible for one who believes." 

Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"  (NIV)

In this post that I never published, I admitted to God my fear and doubt in getting a July Court Date and how very much I wanted to just stand strong and BELIEVE.  I asked God to help me with my own unbelief.  And HE DID!  I really was able to believe ~ with no doubt! ~ that we were going to get a CD before the court closures!  And WE DID!!!!  

Well, the enemy soon tried to then fill me with fear that we would not get that MOWCYA letter (that is required for our adoption of "K" to be finalized) before the courts close.  Again, I prayed and prayed, asking God to fill me with His strength to BELIEVE and remove any shade of fear or doubt.  I was blessed with this sweet confidence and peace that I know can only come from above.

As we approached our departure date for ET ~ to meet our sweet baby ~ I started to find myself listening to the enemy more than I should.  {WHY do I even give him the time of day?!?}  I found myself thinking on things of the past ~ the infertility struggles, miscarriages, dashed hopes, etc.  "So, do you really think God is going to be there for you?  You really think He is going to bless you with a FINALIZED adoption BEFORE Court Closures?  Look at what struggles He has allowed you to endure.  WHY would He spare you an extended wait due to court closures?"

"SHUT IT!  GET BEHIND ME, ENEMY!" I would say in defense.

Then we got to ET and were blessed by spending time with our sweet son, and our pure JOY over-rode any fear or doubt.  That is, until the day to leave our babe in ET crept near.  The dark cloud of anxiety and doubt crept back into my days.  And now, being home only two days, I battle between that sweet peace.  and fear.

However, I am happy to say that God's Sweet Peace is WINNING!  As I pray and ask God to help me in my unbelief, the fear erodes.  The fear diminishes as I focus on WHO our Heavenly Father is and WHAT He has done for us via the cross.  As I ponder how He has drawn each believer into His loving arms ~ adopting us into His Divine Family ~ room for fear squelched.  As I reflect upon God's love for every one of His children, His Peace flows through every fiber of my being.

I read a saying in our Art Hallway at church yesterday.
"We enter into this casual life not as demanders, but as thankful recipients." 

I am so THANKFUL for this precious boy God has gifted to us as our son.  I will refrain from "demanding" this next step go my way, and instead, continue to ask God to help me bask in my Gratefulness as I await the outcome of this MOWCYA letter.  As I await God's plan for baby K and for his mommy and daddy.


I KNOW that God's plan for our family is nothing but GOOD!  I know that I know that God has this adoption covered in His love, mercy and grace!  I choose to believe. that. God. is. going. to. finalize. this. adoption. BEFORE. the. courts. close!!!!  A big THANK YOU to each and every one of you joining us on this journey.  And helping us to pray our son HOME!!!

NO room for fear or doubt!  
GO, GOD!!!!  


Lauren said...

wow, deb, you make me smile! no words!

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