Saturday, January 22, 2011

NO MATTER WHAT!

(scroll to bottom of blog; click pause on music player; come back up here and hit play button)
Hear Kerrie Roberts sing my heart's feelings.


WOW.  As you know, we are one week shy of being on the wait list for six months.  Many of you may recall that we were told by our agency that the "expected wait" would be 4-6 months.  Which means, we should be receiving THE CALL any day now!.............

........we got an email today letting us know this was not likely to happen next week............

Our agency has been experiencing a recent and consistent delay in referrals as of late.  Given this, they have lengthened the wait for a referral of an infant boy to 5-8 months (infant girl wait remains 7-11 mos).  YES, this means that we are no longer expecting a call next week {trying to choke back the tears, here}, and we must be prepared for up to TWO MORE MONTHS of waiting!

I know that our agency, AWAA, is a very upstanding agency, and they are doing all they can to do things RIGHT.  They are striving to have all of the paperwork (which continually changes) in hand BEFORE the referral call, in effort to avoid delays between our first and second visits.  They also will not refer a child who is sick, so they are praying and waiting for the sick kiddos (ex, respiratory issues) to get well.  They are working very hard ~ and ethically ~ on our behalf.  We are so very thankful for them!

However, I am at a loss of what to do for my broken momma heart.  I cannot help but feel as though I am in a marathon, running toward a finish line that continually gets moved out of sight the moment I get a glimpse of it!

I know it is easy to trust God when our dreams are coming true.  Now, when our dream is getting delayed (AGAIN!), we need to really muster up more strength to continue to believe.  And trust in God.

I need to cling to His promises one more time, knowing that nothing ~ including this ~ surprises Him.  Nothing in life happens without first passing through His hands.  And His plan for us is GOOD.  ALWAYS.  I do keep asking Him "why?" but I need to CHOOSE to trust.  Even without answers.

Last post I shared stories of how miraculously He was moving when no one could see the work He was doing.  Although we cannot see the reasons or the whys or the details He is orchestrating now, on behalf of our children, I need to keep my eyes on Him.  NOT on the darkness.  NOT on the things unseen.  NOT on the ache my heart and empty arms are feeling.  I need to KEEP THE FAITH.

Enemy, get behind us!  Because of our belief in Jesus Christ, you have NO power over us, and you must flee!  No plan you have can thwart God's plan for our family.  In God we trust!

Lord, as the song says, I know that if you can find a way to keep us from the pain of even more waiting, you will.  But if not, I still choose to trust in YOU.  I know you have your reasons for everything, so I will keep believing.  YOU are my hope and my strength.  THANK YOU for giving me a husband that gently reminds me of all of this, as he helps me walk through this news.  THANK YOU for loving our children and protecting them in our absence.  THANK YOU for loving Jeff and me and for trusting us with the gift of your child or children to love FOREVER.  THANK YOU for lifting my spirits as I pour out my heart in this post.

NO MATTER WHAT......I STILL LOVE YOU.......
NO MATTER WHAT!

5 comments:

Shannon said...

Hi Debb! I know how bummed you are! It really stinks to have the waiting prolonged. I keep telling myself that it's not like my baby is getting farther away. I am only getting closer to the day I bring him home:) It encourages me to think on that. My "plan" may not be working out but God's is! Praying for you!

*Overflowing* said...

Oh precious mama...reminds me of the wait for Cana! She was a promised referral in December and it didn't come until May and then China tried to take her back. The lesson in that journey was not patience...it wasn't trust...it was endurance and how well we were going to endure the journey. We had to endure it regardless but what were we going to do with it...how were we going to shine our Jesus even when we didn't understand?

You are enduring well sweet friend!!! I have no words of comfort that you haven't already heard but know that I'm praying. Know that the second you learn about your babes, your life will never be the same...it's amazing and so worth it...AND the wait will end, I promise...just like a pregnant mama isn't pregnant forever...an adoptive mama will not wait forever but it seems like it! Love you girl!

erica said...

My thoughts exactly! And I'm thankful for my husband, too, who keeps reminding me to rely on God no matter what. I am SO looking forward to hearing about the next referral - this has been such a long, dry spell for those of us with AGCI as well. Can't wait to get those kiddos home! Wishing you peace and patience during the wait....

jkseevers said...

Praying for you and Jeff, Debb. Praying for a miracle. I've been checking your blog daily, expecting to see that you've gotten your referral. Thanks for sharing your heart. The Lord sees your hearts desires, and He WILL fill your arms with the child/children HE's already handpicked for you. Praying with you that it will be soon. Keep trusting in Him. That's where you're sure to find fulfillment. He will sustain you. Remember that is was BECAUSE of Abraham's faith that He pleased the Lord. Keep believing, keep trusting! You ARE pleasing the Lord with your life. He's sure to fulfill His promises to you. Hugs across the miles:)
Blessings!

Trev and Shan said...

Darn it!!!! I have been checking your blog frequently hoping to hear the good news. You have such a good attitude and that's so important. It will happen soon, hang in there! I will continue praying for you and continue checking back for updates. It will all be worth it in the end!

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