You know, the kind of day that you plod on through, but don't really feel like you are participating in the day. REALLY participating and engaging in life.
You've had a day like that, right?
Well, yesterday was one of those days for me. I went through my regular routine, engaged in conversation with my patients (I am a physical therapist) but I couldn't really tell you anything we talked about. My heart was heavy. I felt my hope slipping. I looked for God, but couldn't see Him anywhere....
A kind friend emailed me, inquiring about a baby update. I reflected back on what I wrote and could hear the sadness and negative outlook in the words I sent, "No real news other than we wait......and wait........to wait some more........." Wow! That awakened me to my attitude.
S-U-C-K-Y!
I don't really let my sad side show a lot to others. I am usually a very genuinely happy-to-the-core kind of girl. And when I am not, it is quickly noticed by others. So, to avoid sharing what has me sad, I try to ignore my "down side" by focusing on positive blessings in my life.
Until yesterday. I chose a sweet-hearted fellow adoptive momma friend and let my tears fall and my heart unload. THANKS for being there, Connie!
I shared with her how the silence these past few weeks, of no activity in our agency, was deafening. How it felt as though my child or children were slipping through my fingers ~ or at least being pulled away from me so far into the future, I didn't know if my heart could take it. I threw myself a pity party over how I have to wait for all significant and meaningful things in my life ~ my husband, my family, heck even my secondary education ~ I wasn't even done with school until I obtained two Masters!
I was disheartened. And my hope meter was running low.
My dear sweet friend uplifted me and breathed into me God's love - for me and my family. Our conversation did help lift the heaviness on my heart. A lot. Though the sadness still had its presence.
This morning (Friday), I awoke and tried NOT to incessantly check my phone for Yahoo group updates, like I usually do. When I finally DID check for emails, I was VERY PLEASANTLY SURPRISED!
GOD HAD SENT US A LOVE NOTE via email!
We got an email from our agency, AWAA, stating that we were "ON DECK!" Yes! This means that we are even closer now to finding out who God has chosen for our family! We took another step closer to our kiddo(s)! All amidst my pity party!
Now, being "ON DECK" does not really give us a confirmed duration of wait before we see the pictures of the face of our child or children, BUT it DOES let us know that AWAA is reviewing our case and we are getting CLOSE!
You see.........while I was busy letting my hope slide, God was still at work orchestrating the details of our family union!
Even thought I could not see God moving, HE WAS! HE IS! He hasn't forgotten me or my family!
HE IS MOVING!.......EVEN IN THE SILENCE! Thank You, God!
7 comments:
In this journey to parenthood the wait can seem so horribly long. Once you see their picture it will all be worth. Once they are in your arms the waiting will be forgotten. I can't wait until you get to post that you know who He was working so hard to get you ready for. Hugs!
Yeah! God is so good. I think of you often, Debb. When I start feeling sad myself and praying for God to hurry things up for US, I think of you. And pray instead that God would hurry things up for YOU instead of us. I think I'll be almost as excited to see who God handpicks for you guys, as you will be! I'm cheering on the sidelines for you. It's coming! Very soon:)
Blessings!
http://myfourwords.blogspot.com/
I feel like I have been pregnant with this child now for 11 months, and I am so ready for it to get here! But God's ways are so far above my ways, and His timing is perfect. You're so right - God IS moving, even in the silence, and the end result will be absolutely breathtaking.
YAY! So glad that ya'll are "on deck"!! How exciting! Love how God works!! :)
I hate those sucky days where everything lies under a cloud of gray. Just think about the fact that everything you have been through up to this point in your life (though it seems to have come slowly), had to happen to bring you to where you are today, to give you the mindset you have now. Everything works together for good for those who love Jesus. And once you ARE a mom, you will be able to completely surround him/her/them with love.
Oh, how BLESSED I am by EACH ONE OF YOU!!!!!
Mandie ~ I can't believe you will be holding your daughter in DAYS! I do believe all pain will be forgotten when we hold our little one(s) in our arms! Thanks for the reminder! :) Safe travels to China, my friend!
Katie ~ You are so SWEET! How precious that you remember us in your prayers! May God bring us both to our hand-picked children very very soon! Enjoy being DTE!!!!
Erica ~ thanks for "getting me!" I LOVE how you say the end result will be breathtaking! Great word and SO TRUE!!!
Alison ~ It is such a JOY to travel this journey to our children together! Thanks for celebrating each step with us! May you be seeing Caroline Faith's face very soon!
Tanya ~ You are SUCH a gem! Your words are so encouraging! Yes! God is bringing GOOD out of all my various waiting periods. Praying He will help make me an especially good momma one day soon!
HUGS to EACH OF YOU!!!!!
Oh how I my whole week was like that!
I am so happy for you guys! Praying for lots of good new this week!
Hope you guys had a great weekend! :)
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