You know, the kind of day that you plod on through, but don't really feel like you are participating in the day. REALLY participating and engaging in life.
You've had a day like that, right?
Well, yesterday was one of those days for me. I went through my regular routine, engaged in conversation with my patients (I am a physical therapist) but I couldn't really tell you anything we talked about. My heart was heavy. I felt my hope slipping. I looked for God, but couldn't see Him anywhere....
A kind friend emailed me, inquiring about a baby update. I reflected back on what I wrote and could hear the sadness and negative outlook in the words I sent, "No real news other than we wait......and wait........to wait some more........." Wow! That awakened me to my attitude.
I don't really let my sad side show a lot to others. I am usually a very genuinely happy-to-the-core kind of girl. And when I am not, it is quickly noticed by others. So, to avoid sharing what has me sad, I try to ignore my "down side" by focusing on positive blessings in my life.
Until yesterday. I chose a sweet-hearted fellow adoptive momma friend and let my tears fall and my heart unload. THANKS for being there, Connie!
I shared with her how the silence these past few weeks, of no activity in our agency, was deafening. How it felt as though my child or children were slipping through my fingers ~ or at least being pulled away from me so far into the future, I didn't know if my heart could take it. I threw myself a pity party over how I have to wait for all significant and meaningful things in my life ~ my husband, my family, heck even my secondary education ~ I wasn't even done with school until I obtained two Masters!
I was disheartened. And my hope meter was running low.
My dear sweet friend uplifted me and breathed into me God's love - for me and my family. Our conversation did help lift the heaviness on my heart. A lot. Though the sadness still had its presence.
This morning (Friday), I awoke and tried NOT to incessantly check my phone for Yahoo group updates, like I usually do. When I finally DID check for emails, I was VERY PLEASANTLY SURPRISED!
GOD HAD SENT US A LOVE NOTE via email!
We got an email from our agency, AWAA, stating that we were "ON DECK!" Yes! This means that we are even closer now to finding out who God has chosen for our family! We took another step closer to our kiddo(s)! All amidst my pity party!
Now, being "ON DECK" does not really give us a confirmed duration of wait before we see the pictures of the face of our child or children, BUT it DOES let us know that AWAA is reviewing our case and we are getting CLOSE!
You see.........while I was busy letting my hope slide, God was still at work orchestrating the details of our family union!
Even thought I could not see God moving, HE WAS! HE IS! He hasn't forgotten me or my family!
HE IS MOVING!.......EVEN IN THE SILENCE! Thank You, God!