Monday, April 5, 2010


I hope everyone had a wonderful and blessed Easter weekend! Jeff and I sure did! After being blessed by a sweet church service and enjoying brunch with friends, Jeff and I just sort of collapsed with our full bellies on the couch. This is where God continued to speak to me, picking up from where we had left off at church, earlier in the morning. We watched this movie called "As Far as My Feet Will Take Me," which is about a German man who escapes from being a POW in Siberia, travels ON FOOT (3,000 miles!) over a 3 year span, to reunite with his family.

I surprised myself as to how frequently I would say out loud (good thing we weren't in a theater), "God, why would you let THIS happen on top of everything this man has already been through?!" or "Gosh, why would you make him endure so much 'Bad' in his life?" "Why didn't you cut him a break?" EVERY SINGLE TIME I thought or spoke such a thought, a few frames later in the movie, the man's "bad" in life would result in something for his good. For example, after walking his 3,000 miles he became imprisoned ~ again! Yet, this imprisonment actually helped lead him to his family!

I began to realize how quick I was to question God's plan and what He allows in our lives. It was during this movie (and after) that God gently tossed a question in my direction, "Why is it that you are so quick to doubt me?" and "Where is your trust in me, and my plan for you ~ and for others?"

After 'sleeping on it' last night, I was reminded that, yes, we all have to make that initial choice to accept Christ or to not accept Christ ~ and by ignoring this question, we are choosing to deny Him. However, once deciding to follow Christ, I am reminded that we must renew our choice to TRUST in Him every single day. Trust doesn't automatically come with our initial decision to follow Him. We must choose with each new day if we are going to trust our life to God or to ourselves or to the enemy.

Sure, things have happened in my life. LIFE has happened. Just as it happens in others' lives. But it is what we DO with whatever happens that really matters. Are we going to give in and die in the POW camp OR are we willing to walk 3,000 miles on foot if we are asked to? Are we going to give God our trials and let Him bring good out of it OR are we going to use our past hurts to further press into our own need to control things in our life?

Recently, I found myself questioning whether we were ever really going to be united with our son in Ethiopia. Various things keep popping up to delay the process. Doubt had entered my mind and began to filter into my soul. The enemy is wicked that way. I found myself recalling moments of "bad" that God has allowed to occur in my life (notice, I did not say that He made it happen.......He just didn't stop it from happening....there is a difference, I believe); and I began to allow those not-so-good past events to invade my hope for our future.

However, Easter was a perfect time to be reminded that GOD is our source of hope! We not only must choose in our core belief, whether God is real (which I totally KNOW that He is!), but we need to choose to trust in Him every single day! This renews my understanding that I CAN trust my God. No matter what happens in my life, I can trust that a few frames later in the movie of my life, I will be able to see how God orchestrated all the details for my good. IF I choose to give it all to Him.

I cannot control the timing of our adoption, as MUCH as I would like to (and have tried to)! This inability to manage the speed in which we progress forward was starting to get me down a bit, as I want to RUN to him, not walk a slow paced 3,000 miles! I thank God for using Easter to remind me that I have to consider where I am letting my thoughts wander, and to whom am I giving control of the timing of bringing our son home. I don't want to be in control. I certainly don't want to give the control to the enemy. I want this all to go according to God's will and His divine timing! Even if it IS a bit slower that I would prefer. I know that He can orchestrate this far better than I ever could; and I need to remind myself to have a proactive approach with our adoption, without crossing that fine line of controlling this adoption.

On my knees, I give this whole journey to our son to you, Lord. I trust that your timing is perfect. I chose You many years ago, but I thank you for the reminder that I need to renew my trust in you with each new day. It revitalizes me. And excites me. And fills me with that overflowing peace that I know only comes from giving it all to You. Please give me the strength to walk or run at your deemed pace. Thank you for holding my hand in the journey. May your Will be done. In Your divine timing. Thank you for watching over our little boy.


Agra said...

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