My heart is heavy. Stirred. Aching. I don't know what it is, but something is happening tonight. I just hope that you are okay. Protected. Loved. Nourished. We pray for you daily, but the need to pray for you is unbearable tonight. Daddy and I just finished praying through tears for you. For BOTH of you!
We SO BELIEVE that God wants to bring the two of you to us!
A few months back, I dreamed of you calling to us. Reaching out to us. Arms extended as far as your little arms could reach! Crying......calling.....almost screaming out to us......"Don't leave me here! Please! Take me with you! Don't leave me!" Your presence was real. In this dream the anguish in your voice ~ and the agony in our hearts ~ when we could not take you with us, was nothing short of torture. I awoke crying, it felt so real. Three consecutive nights I had this dream.......
God put the BOTH of you on our hearts, and even in my dreams! I prayed so hard for God to cease the dream, for I didn't know if I could handle it one more night. We prayed that He would move us to open our request for two children, if that was His will and His purpose for this dream.
It was shortly after this dream that we asked to be put on the sibling list..........
Then, on October 13th, I dreamed that Daddy and I got to witness the birth of our son in Ethiopia! We were there! The details were blurred, other than the clear picture that a brown skinned baby boy was being born in a hut setting. A precious boy that God had created specifically for our family! It was so AWESOME to feel so close to you! Our son!
I really don't know what these dreams mean. If anything. I do, however, know that I know that God has placed the two of you on our hearts! The heaviness of my heart tonight was lifted after we prayed specifically for the both of you. I don't know where exactly you are. I don't know the details of your precious faces. I don't know the kind of love and care you are receiving. But this I DO know...........
I love you both so VERY much, and this love for you grows with each passing day!
My tummy may not grow as you grow. I may not feel you kick inside my belly. But I do feel your presence. I do ache to hold you in my arms. I do dream of what you look like and what your personality will be like. I do pray for you daily. God is bonding me to you each day of this paper pregnancy, my little ones!
I'm not sure why my heart felt so heavy tonight. Nor do I understand why the need to pray was so urgent. All I know is that God prompted me to pray for the two of you. Specifically. In detail. And pray for you we did.
Once God lifted my heart during our prayer time, I turned to blogging. I was lead to a fellow adoptive momma's blog (Susan) that had this song and video on it. The tears started rolling again! Could it be the paper pregnancy hormones!? {chuckle} First I cried for the separation between us, and the time we are losing not being with you. But after the second (or was it the third?) viewing, the tears were for the joy of you. Joy in knowing that God is caring for you when we cannot. Angels are holding and comforting you both, our precious children. Joy in knowing that our Heavenly Father is bringing us together. FOREVER!
I wish it was ME holding you tonight. Daddy and Me. But it comforts me to know that God and His angels are doing so in our place. May you sleep in peace tonight. And every night..........
(scroll to bottom of this blog to pause the music. then scroll back up to this video and hit play. be sure your sound is on......you won't want to miss this song!......believe me!)
