As frequently happens, our church service awakened me. I want to share of the "awakening" I experienced two Sundays ago (a future post will talk of the sweet blessings of TODAY's service!).
Our assistant pastor, Trevor spoke on "defilement," and things that can defile our bodies and hinder our relationship with God. Sure there were the obvious ones: murder, theft, adultery, etc. But what hit me, was when He started talking of what is in us will come out of us. When Christ was being pierced on the cross, he spoke of God, "Father forgive them........" His knowledge and love for God is what poured out of his mouth during persecution.
Hhhhhmmmmmmm............I cannot say that is what spewed from my mouth immediately upon hearing of a potential delay in our referral! It took much prayer and pondering before I could get myself there again. Sad. I want to be SO FULL of Christ, that NO MATTER WHAT is going on in my life, God's love overflows from my mouth. Not to say I can't be real and have hurt feelings. But rather, amidst my struggle, I want God's truth to roll off my tongue. Immediately. With ease. Second-nature.
I'm a work in progress. Good goal, though, don't you think?!?!..............
Trevor's sermon then went on to discuss the topic of coveting. Ouch. It's not that I covet a child, in that I hold grudges toward the sweet momma friends I have. I genuinely do not do this, thanks to God's protection, I believe. However, I covet becoming a momma so much, that I fear I may be lifting our adoption so high that I risk it becoming a form of idolatry for me.
As MUCH as I ache and yearn to hold my little one(s), I don't ever want to put anyone ahead of God. Afterall, isn't that the definition of idolatry? I know God has put this passion to be a momma on my heart, and that He approve of my desire. I know that it is okay to be SO FILLED with passion for this role in my life, as well as to be SO FILLED with love for our child or children.
However, I fear that the amount of time and energy and emotion that I put into our children-to-be outweighs the time, energy and emotion that I have been giving God lately.
WOW. A dangerous imbalance. One I desire to adjust immediately! Afterall, it's likely better to learn that balance now, before those precious babe(s) are in my arms, right!?!?
THANK YOU, God, for showing me these things in last Sunday's message. Thank you for being right there to help me recognize and face these forms of "defilement." For helping me not only repent of it, but for helping me to CHANGE it! Lord, please show me how it is that you desire for me to spend my time in the "waiting room" purposefully. Help me fill my time, energy and emotions with YOU. And your purpose for me. More of you, Lord. Less of me. AMEN.