"YOU HAVE TURNED MY MOURNING INTO DANCING......
THAT I MIGHT SING PRAISES TO YOU
AND NOT BE SILENT. O LORD, MY GOD,
I WILL GIVE YOU THANKS FOREVER."
PSALM 30: 11,12
Well, we are still pinching ourselves pretty much daily, to double check and make sure that this whirlwind of GREATNESS is REAL!!!! Guess what!!??!!?? IT IS!!!!!!
I am still so amazed. AWED, really. I lose myself as I stare into those big beautiful brown eyes of our son. I find myself wanting to kiss those sweet lips. Nuzzle his cute neck. And smother those cheeks with more kisses and love than he can fathom! {momma giggle inserted here}
I reflect on the pain experienced to get here. The unknowns. The waiting. The changed timelines. The extended waiting. The deep ache in my momma heart. The longing to SEE the face of our child. The tears shed with questions of "why does this have to take this long?"......
I reflect on the pain experienced to get here. The unknowns. The waiting. The changed timelines. The extended waiting. The deep ache in my momma heart. The longing to SEE the face of our child. The tears shed with questions of "why does this have to take this long?"......
Now we know. Now we realize that those timelines had to be postponed ~ for "K" wasn't even born yet! God knew! God wasn't "holding out on us!" His plan was GOOD!!!
God kept me afloat when I had nothing left. When my "wait meter" was on empty. When my heart hurt so badly that I struggled to stand strong in my faith. In my hope. In my trust in Him. In fact, one week to the day before we "met" our sweet baby boy, I spent FOUR hours just rocking in K's nursery. I had come home from work with an ache and longing that I could no longer ignore.
I spent the first part of my time rocking in tears. Crying for the son I so deeply loved and had not yet met. I cried for the void of "wait" I felt I had left. I cried for our son, wondering where he was....who he was....and when we would "meet" him via THE CALL. Through the tears, I was able to then spend the second portion of my time there in prayer. Begging God to replenish me. Pleading with Him to help hold me up, as I no longer felt the ability to stand in faith on my own. Asking Him to forgive my doubt, worry and anxiety. I laid it all ~ the waiting, the dreaming, the believing, the worry of the timeline, the concern for what our son may be needing ~ all of it. I (re-) laid it at our Father's feet.
I told Him I felt I could not go on without Him holding me upright. Without Him picking up my feet for each remaining step forward. Without Him refueling my heart with hope, energy and faith. Again. I apologized for feeling weak, while then thanking Him for being strong amidst my weakness. Thanking Him for loving me and my family enough to continue to fight the good fight to bring us together. Forever. I began restating my faith and belief in Him. Trusting, once again, that His plan for us is GOOD. Claiming again that His will for our lives is EXACTLY where we want to be. And, eventually, praising Him for bringing me to a place of peace once again.
Just like David in the Psalms. I started out depleted, feeling forgotten and yes, a bit forelorn. However, after spending time with Him; being honest with Him (He knows my heart anyway); by the end of my time with God, I was praising Him and thanking Him and standing strong in my belief again! Standing strong in His strength. Not mine. The way He wanted it from the start!
I LOVE IT how He works that out like that!
Meanwhile, as He was rebuilding me, He was also orchestrating the final details of our match with our son. He was finalizing the paperwork to allow AWAA to give us "THE CALL" ~ just one week to the day after this "God Time!" It's always darkest before the dawn, right!?!?
We are still dancing! Our souls are doing the Samba and our hearts are doing the Tango! We are dancing together as a couple, and I feel I am having a divine dance with God! I no sooner re-released my efforts to control and "figure out" this adoption, thus, allowing God to gently guide my steps! The steps are beyond walking now, we are D.A.N.C.I.N.G!!!!!
He gently guides me which direction to go and my feet just naturally follow! I thought this floating feeling was from being on Cloud Nine, but maybe it is from floating above the dance floor of life, as my Heavenly Father guides the dance!
Either way, our journey has turned to dancing! And we are having the time of our life!
As the verse says,
God kept me afloat when I had nothing left. When my "wait meter" was on empty. When my heart hurt so badly that I struggled to stand strong in my faith. In my hope. In my trust in Him. In fact, one week to the day before we "met" our sweet baby boy, I spent FOUR hours just rocking in K's nursery. I had come home from work with an ache and longing that I could no longer ignore.
I spent the first part of my time rocking in tears. Crying for the son I so deeply loved and had not yet met. I cried for the void of "wait" I felt I had left. I cried for our son, wondering where he was....who he was....and when we would "meet" him via THE CALL. Through the tears, I was able to then spend the second portion of my time there in prayer. Begging God to replenish me. Pleading with Him to help hold me up, as I no longer felt the ability to stand in faith on my own. Asking Him to forgive my doubt, worry and anxiety. I laid it all ~ the waiting, the dreaming, the believing, the worry of the timeline, the concern for what our son may be needing ~ all of it. I (re-) laid it at our Father's feet.
I told Him I felt I could not go on without Him holding me upright. Without Him picking up my feet for each remaining step forward. Without Him refueling my heart with hope, energy and faith. Again. I apologized for feeling weak, while then thanking Him for being strong amidst my weakness. Thanking Him for loving me and my family enough to continue to fight the good fight to bring us together. Forever. I began restating my faith and belief in Him. Trusting, once again, that His plan for us is GOOD. Claiming again that His will for our lives is EXACTLY where we want to be. And, eventually, praising Him for bringing me to a place of peace once again.
Just like David in the Psalms. I started out depleted, feeling forgotten and yes, a bit forelorn. However, after spending time with Him; being honest with Him (He knows my heart anyway); by the end of my time with God, I was praising Him and thanking Him and standing strong in my belief again! Standing strong in His strength. Not mine. The way He wanted it from the start!
I LOVE IT how He works that out like that!
Meanwhile, as He was rebuilding me, He was also orchestrating the final details of our match with our son. He was finalizing the paperwork to allow AWAA to give us "THE CALL" ~ just one week to the day after this "God Time!" It's always darkest before the dawn, right!?!?
And now........God has turned our mourning into dancing!
He gently guides me which direction to go and my feet just naturally follow! I thought this floating feeling was from being on Cloud Nine, but maybe it is from floating above the dance floor of life, as my Heavenly Father guides the dance!
Either way, our journey has turned to dancing! And we are having the time of our life!
As the verse says,
WE WILL NOT BE SILENT!!!
WE WILL SING PRAISES TO
OUR HEAVENLY FATHER!!!
WE WILL GIVE HIM THANKS
FOREVER!
4 comments:
I love this post!!! You so eloquently described the pain and heartache while waiting, but the joy and celebration of your heart with the good news. Believe me, the hardest is yet to come...but with Him carrying you, you can bear it.
Thank you for sharing!!!! I just LOVE THIS POST!!!!! I am still dancing with you and praising HIM for your beautiful boy!!!
This is so precious, Debb! I was crying out to God this morning like David too. So glad that God has turned your mourning into dancing!!! Can't wait to be dancing with ya'll! :)
Praising God for your precious gift! HE is good!!!! Angi
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