3 Years!

Hard to believe....

Where has the time gone!?!?

Our sweet boy was "officially" our son the very minute I met him and spoke with him.  I knew it in my heart.  I knew it in my bones.  I knew it so assuredly, I was weak in the knees.

Of course, he didn't become legally our son, until after we passed court.  But never once did I doubt it, amidst all of the paperwork and hoopla required to make it legal.

Even then, it wasn't until we cleared embassy that we could bring our sweet Sami HOME!!!!

That we could no longer wonder how he was doing, from halfway across the world.  That we could tuck him in at night, and kiss him good morning, every.single.day!  That we could know how he was doing, because he was now with us!  Because he was now, not only part of our Forever Family in our hearts...........but in our arms and in our home!

Three years ago TODAY!!!

When I reflect upon the pure Joy.  The Laughter.  The Growth.  The Fun.  The LOVE!!!!!  I am overwhelmed in a most precious and pure way!!!!

To call this amazing boy "OUR SON!" is a blessing that far surpasses our dreams for our family!!!

Any and all who meet him are blessed by him!  His kind and gentle spirit.  His fun-loving acceptance of all.  His drive and commitment.  His compassion and love.  For others, for us, and most importantly, for Christ!

I believe I am honest when I say that not one single day passes without my thanking God for the honor and privilege to call Sami my son!!!  My prayer is that Jeff, Peanut and I can bless him as much as he blesses us ~ just by being the wonderful boy God made him to be!

I Love You To the Moon and Back, Sweet Sami!!!

A Pink Open Door

God brought this very PINK picture to me the very day we officially decided to pursue adoption of our Baby Sis.  The timing was so special to me.  So special, that I tucked this picture away as a keepsake to remember the many ways God confirmed for us that our decision was from Him.

Little did I know how much I would need to cling to this very picture.  The picture I totally forgot about until it "happened" to come across my computer again today.  Perfect timing.  Perfect.

Though the route to Sis has taken a few devastating detours, we know that the door is still open.  And no one.  No not ONE can close a door that God has opened!  {in the words of my dear friend, Kylie, "suck it satan!"}

This recent second detour has raised questions for all who walk this path with us.  Someone recently asked me, "When do you stop relying on your faith and start relying on the great mind God gave you to reason?"  This person was wondering if all the detours were a sign for us to step off from this path of adoption.

I respect that perspective and know that the words were meant for my protection and not spoken in judgement.

The question was sincere.

"When?....."

When do we stop relying on faith and start relying on what seems to make sense in our mind??????

I had no words to reply at the time, but after contemplating the question a bit, I quickly found the words to my answer.

"Hopefully never."

"Hopefully N-E-V-E-R."

Never do I want to live within the limitations of my human understanding.

Never do I want to limit God to the boundaries of what my mind can comprehend.  For we know that God knows so much more than we do.  He sees so much further down the road than we can ever hope to see.  He uses our challenges to build us.  Strengthen us.  Draw us nearer to Him.

Living within the means of my own thoughts and interpretations would have left me missing out on many blessings God held in store for me.  Blessings that followed some very challenging times in my life.  Blessings that followed blind obedience.  Obedience rooted in faith.  

Had I lived within the limits of what I could see and understand, I would have missed out on so very much in my life to date.

And so, it is those past experiences ~ living by what we feel is God's guidance ~ that make it the only way we want to live.  Today.  And always.

In reading one of Peanut's books, it talked of a boy named "Halfway Herbert" who didn't know how to do things to completion.  He only knew how to do them "halfway."  And his daddy was teaching him how God wants us to do life completely.  In it's entirety.

God wants us to follow Him in complete surrender.  Always.
Even when it doesn't make sense in our humanness.

The boy's dad went on to teach that we cannot do life wholeheartedly in our own strength.  But luckily, God gave us the Holy Spirit to help us.  To guide us.

The Holy Spirit.

Our Comforter.  Our Guide.

This is who I want guiding my life.  My decisions.  My journeys and adventures.

Not me.  Not my limited perspective.  Not the boundaries created by my human understanding.

And so we choose to continue living life by faith.  Even when the detours raise questions in our minds.  Even when the goal seems clear, but the path to to our baby girl seems confusing.

We stay the course.  

Not because we understand it in our mind, but because we know who is guiding us down the path.  

God seems to be showing us the way, only one step at a time, but we trust this rocky path to Him.  As long as we feel His guidance in this direction, we will walk.  We might do it afraid some days.  And we cannot do it alone.

But we can do it trusting He will lead us to an awesome view from the mountaintop!  

Though we know not what the view will capture, we put one foot in front of the other.  

Trusting.  Hoping.  Believing.

Not in ourselves, but in Him.  

In the One who has repeatedly shown Himself faithful in our lives.

He Does Not Leave

Feeling a bit hammered these last few weeks.  The lack of forward movement toward Baby Sis, compiled with our grave news of a malignant nasal tumor for one of our fur babies makes maintaining a bright attitude challenging some days.  {will post an update on Fischer after vet appt tomorrow}.

And yet........

Texts.  Emails.  Phone calls.  Prayers.  Notes.

They continue.

And they seriously seem to come on the VERY day I struggle to stand strong.

Today, it was a cheery phone call from a dear friend {Thank You, Leah!} and the "happening upon" the words below.  People!  If you do not have this book called "Loop" it is must!  For reals!  Or at least find the FB page!  Life-giving words every.single.read!!!!



Here are the words that poured into my soul today!..........

I Do Not Leave

Daughter, I pour my light into you. I guide you and do not leave you. I have good plans for your life. I love when you step toward Me to realize them. 

There is discouragement along the way—and distraction, too. But I keep walking ahead, and I reach out my hand, and I do not forsake you. I do not abandon you.

The path is filled with rock that can cause you to stumble—and weeds that entangle and attempt to trip you up. But I clear the path, in the midst of difficulty and sometimes rocky roads.

I clear the path.

My voice in you, these whispers to your heart, my words a blade of truth that swipes away uncertainty and doubt. Walk in the way I’ve prepared for you, this way full of twists and turns and hills and valleys, deserts and lush mountain-scapes.

I’ve walked this path. I walk it with you. How could I leave you?

You were made for this—to be with Me, walking this path, the path we walk together. Faith is not knowing the details of what the future holds, but trusting Me to be with you in it. 

So keep walking with Me, in faith, along the path I’ve prepared just for you. That is where you will cling to Me most tightly, where you will feel my gaze steadfast upon you, when I will hold you.

Daughter, I never let you go.

“‘I saw the Lord always before me, for he is at my right hand that I may not be shaken’” (Acts 2:25).

Here is another excerpt that "found me" before retiring one evening shortly after learning of our second failed adoption......

Tonight, no matter who else calls the house you live in "home," know that you're not alone. Know that the Lord loves you and sees you and calls you His. Know that the things that burden your heart are on His mind. Know that He is able to handle everything you face. And know that you're not going to face it or handle it or go through it without Him. I pray that you would sense His presence and rest in His peace. In Jesus' name.

Thank you, family, friends, neighbors and blog pals for your many constant and steady reminders that I am not forgotten.  We are not forgotten.  And we are so not going through this rough patch alone.

We love you how beautifully you all love us!

And, even in unanswered prayers, we can see God loving us well with such an amazing love!

Sorrow-filled today.  Yet, I cannot deny how blessed we truly are!

Your Way....

Even when it is hard.
Even when it is scary and makes me vulnerable.
Even when I do not understand.
And yes, even when You ask me to wait.  Upon You.  Upon Your timing.

I never want to be out of Your will for my life and my family.

And so we wait...............clinging to You..........letting You breathe Your strength into our weak and weary bones..............

We say Yes.  Your Way, Lord.  Your Will.

Your Plan.

AMEN.

Holding His Hand. And Your Hand.

Gosh.  Where to begin......

I have been asked by many as of late............"Where Do You Get Your Faith?"

I don't have an exact answer.  Because I have many answers.

I was raised in church and watched my parents involvement.
Following their divorce, I watched my mom press hard into God during trials of single parenting.
I witnessed God's power in answered prayers.  Too many times to count.
We go to an amazing church with amazing pastors, and incredible peeps who create our precious church family.  All who love to make the invisible God visible.
Personal Experience.  I have seen God work pure wonders in my life.  Daily.  Big wonders and small wonders.  Miracles just the same.

I watched God's faithfulness in times when I could not see Him at work.  Moments when He seemed silent or far away.  I witnessed His agape love throughout our struggles with infertility as well as in His creation of our family with our precious boys.  And, I felt Him literally carry me through our failed adoption in the Fall.

Because I have seen His work, experienced His faithfulness, and tasted His unconditional love.............I can believe in Him now.  I can trust that He is working things together for our good ~ because we believe in Him.  I can stand firm in this belief because of who He is and who He has shown Himself to be.  Even when life doesn't make sense.

Remembering how beautifully God healed {and grew} my mama heart, with each and every obstacle encountered on our path to parenthood, I can press into Him with confidence.  Knowing that He will walk me through this healing as well.  Knowing that, though He may seem silent, He is ever-present. And His plan is always for our good.

I. KNOW. THIS.

David didn't have confidence to battle Goliath because of his past experiences as a soldier.  He had never been a soldier.  Instead, his confidence came from being a shepherd and witnessing God's power when He helped him save his flock from both a lion and a bear.  David witnessed God's power and faithfulness personally, thus, little David stood tall in his confidence in God.

And that is what I am trying to do.

I am human, and this strength to hold on to Him is divine.  It isn't me.  In my weakness I want to curl up in a ball and hide.  But when I keep my eyes on Him, I am assured.  The peace I feel about all of this doesn't come from within me.  It doesn't come from my desires.  It comes from God.  It is a gift from above.   As long as I keep my eyes on Him.

It is also important to note another important source of my faith.................that comes form all of you!

"It takes a village" they say.  And boy is that true!

I am overwhelmed in a very BLESSED way by all of the empathy, love, encouragement, belief and prayers so many of you have showered upon me, since sharing the news of the detour in our adoption of Baby Sis.

Just as I start to swim in my sorrow, fear and doubt (which I know is not of God!), someone reaches out to me!  Beautiful flowers.  Heartfelt cards, texts, FB comments, and emails.  Precious phone calls.  Shared stories of similar situations that resulted in God's GOODNESS!!!!!  So many of you have uplifted me/us already!

The timing is always so perfect!  As if God is making sure I do not let my sorrow-filled thoughts pull me into a pity party ~ or worse, fear and doubt.  Each one of you are part of God's army to battle with and for us!  THANK YOU for joining in this fight!!  No attempt of the enemy will ever thwart God's plan because GOD ALWAYS WINS!!!  ALWAYS!!!!

And we know that we know Baby Sis is His plan for us.  We may not know how, where or when, but we know who holds the controls of this roller coaster ride!

And so, we THANK YOU for standing strong with us, for riding out this crazy ride called adoption with us.  For believing Him with us.  For holding our hands through this adventure, even when the path gets rocky.

You have no idea how wonderfully you encourage me to ride this out.  To push through this rocky patch of our mountain climb to Sis.  I couldn't pick better people to journey with!